I think that "year" thing is meant to be a milestone mark to see how serious things are - the commitment thing. I agree that the calendar shouldn't dictate that, but maybe the commitment should? I dunno... it's water under the bridge for me at this point.
BTW, I'm feeling ok. It's been so dry here, and yesterday I woke up with a bloody nose. So I decided to declare it work from home day and called it a day before it began. That way, I could wear comfy clothes for the shingles. They're not nearly as bad as my first round, and right now, my skin hurts, but the blisters itch. Lovely visualization for you?
Kgirl... the first serious R we enter after a D (especially if we haven't done enough self work and healing) is the one that trips us up. We're vulnerable, on the needy side, and willing to give more than we should. You sound like someone who meets all this criteria.
I got some good advice from a friend back then to learn how to date this time around and pay attention. You're much younger than I am, and have already been D, so I'm guessing you don't have experience really dating? I didn't do this when I was younger, so I had to learn this in my 40s: dating is the time when you should be trying on lots of shoes without buying for awhile. Pay attention to the fit. If the shoe is not 100% comfortable, put them back on the rack!
You sound like you need some self work on a few things: 1) your self confidence; 2) self worth; 3) and repairing your filters. The last one I think would help you with 1 and 2.
If you find that the two of you communicate poorly, figure out why. If you make changes and he doesn't respond, he's not going to change. If you excuse him for treating you more poorly than his friends, it's a red flag. Why would you agree to that? If you prioritize the R more than him, why would you want to be in a R with a taker?
There are a slew of great book resources out there. I'm going to throw this out there because it's my origin. I don't know your story, so please understand it's coming through my filter. I made excuses for others because I grew up in a very codependent household with a drug addict brother. My mom (primarily) moved the bar for him. We wouldn't accept crappy behavior or accept friends that stole from us, but we would write his behavior off because he was family. NO! Codependence is a devaluing formula, and it is not healthy or productive, and it causes suffering if we don't cure it.
I went to Al Anon for several years just to get a handle on my codependence. Melody Beattie has a great book, and I highly suggest it for this reason. I've observed a lot of filter damage (not paying attention to and acting on red flags) where codependence is a problem.
Promise yourself to fix you before you get into another R. You deserve a happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship, and you're going to have to prepare that garden before you ever start planting seeds.
Your personal foundation should consist of some type of mission statement. Who are you? What purpose do you want for yourself? How would you map out a purpose driven life? If you can identify that blueprint and devote your time and effort into creating that life, you are going to find your independence, self confidence, and you're going to be a healthy long term R prospect. BTW, Rick Warren has a great book on this, and there are workshops. Imagine your horizons being broad, with endless possibilities. Feed your soul. Everything else is the cherry on top. Have an intimate R with yourself and see how much happier you are...
Dream big and go make it happen.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey