I am going to respond here when I have the time now. I will be out for the rest of the day as I am on the road and in several meetings.
Originally Posted By: NYGal
Wonks, Remember after I told her to leave me alone, you said I should have clarified that as long as ow is in the picture, I'm not interested? Is this the time to clarify that as a condition of seeing her or not? Or should I just say, yes, leave it in the bike bag.
I think you misunderstood me. As long as the OW is in the picture, you will not be friends as this is not want friends do to friends. See the difference? No, don't try to "clarify" or try to "explain" yourself. All of this can be done through actions.
Yeah, you could have said, "great...sure, you can leave it in the bike bag." Since W hasn't heard back from you, of course she hasn't dropped off the check.
[NYGal]I see this as an opportunity to clarify my stance. I could say, have you changed your mind? That's what she said to me when I told her weeks ago to leave something in the bike bag. And she meant changed her mind about us. Or I could say, i'd like to see you if you're seriously interested in discussing how to get through the situation. Or I could say, you know my preference. Or I could say I would be interested in seeing you when you're no longer with her. I could say, you know my thoughts on this. I could say, until the other woman is no longer in your life, I think it's best that we don't see each other.[/quote]
The bold is begging and pursuing. Don't. W isn't going to change her mind about OW as long as you are in her face asking all of those questions which introduces pressure. The fall back option will always be OW. Drop the rope. You're still tugging at the rope to see if she would react. In fact, it has the opposite effect.
Drop the darn rope!
Originally Posted By: NYGal
She has doubts about ow, remember? She was seriously considering us getting g back together. If OW knows she's still undecided, she might back out because this is a huge lifestyle change For her, roo. Coming out in her mid fifties and all. I feel like this is the time to do something that keeps W in doubt, not moving forward with ow!,,,
So what!?? Doubts are one thing, taking action is another thing. Talk is cheap. Right now, her feet aren't moving. Inaction is action too. I preach this all the time to newbies because it is AN EFFECTIVE strategy.
You are very, very anxious about W and OW. This emotion is now magnified by the "potential" job offer. I can feel it oozing on the monitor from this side. It is Audrey Anxiety shouting the loudest inside your head. What you need is for Charlotte Calm to come and firmly shove Audrey off the stage inside your head.
[NYGal]In the meantime, there was another email about wanting some garden equipment I had taken and could she come get it this weekend. (I don't want her to see the dump I'm living in!!) Oh, and could I return the garage door opener and the house key. Those aren't good signs ... I don't want her to have the door opener to give to the ow!!!!![/quote]
You don't know the reason for these requests. Perhaps W is trying to tie up some loose ends and probably going through her own to-do list. Don't let those requests get to you. If I were you, I'd just pack up those items and mail it to her. Done. Check.
You need to find self-soothing methods to get you off the high anxiety you're feeling lately. When I get really anxious, I go by the lake and walk on the beach. Water is a very cleansing natural source to clear out negative emotions. Do whatever works best for you, sweetie.
