NYGal: Trying

[Painter]

NYGal, don't be desperate. You're creating an artificial deadline and pressure (have you been offered the job? Why do you think your current job is iffy because of management changes?) in order to give yourself an excuse to contact W.

I think you should make a list off all your initiatives and interactions and what followed. The list should have two columns, one for 'DB' and one for 'non-DB'. That way you can see what has brought you forward and what has set you back. It is my impression that when you DB, things move in a positive direction, and when you non-DB, they go backwards.

You need to find a consistent way of dealing with W where you don't change methods all the time.

My recommendation would be to not always be available to meet, but when you do meet her (to give her physical posessions), look great, act confident and warm, but do NOT bring up the relationship. Leave first. If you end conversations with puppy-eyed remarks or wistful texts afterwards, you tear down everything you just worked so hard for.

You need to be the rock. I tell my H, 'be honest, figure out what you want, I'll survive if you want to split. My preference is to save the M and work on us making each other happy. However, I can't do that by myself'.

I think moving away will minimize your chances of reconciling. If your W reacts like my H, she can then blame the breakup on you moving away. You will leave her with no choice.

If you truly want this new job and to leave this R behind, that's another matter.

Did you get the annuity?