My W was my best friend as well. There is nothing I have a harder time with than talking to new people, and even more so making new friends. I don't click with many people. I am not a normal guy who can hold conversations about sports. People think I am conceited because I don't make the effort to make new friends or reach out to people, but it is my long term problems with social anxiety (from horrendous physical bullying as a kid), abandonment (death and abandonment, and now this), and just not feeling like I am worth people's time. I even felt this way when things were normal. My whole adult life has been with my W. I don't have a lot of memories without her. I can't even hold conversations now without talking about the time the W and I did X or Y. We didn't have many social hobbies. Our hobby was entertaining and family time. No one in her family wants to shun me, they are all mad at her for what she is doing to me, but she is their real family. My in law family has been all I have had for so long, I am mourning them all as if they have died.
This is heartbreaking to hear. Have you ever been to therapy? If not, why not be good to yourself and see one? Not a counselor, but a therapist.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
