Staying the Course Pt. II

[HopeRB]

Hi guys, sorry just getting back, I had a really rough night. Went to church, and was just overcome with emotion b/c I wish H would come with me since I feel he needs to hear a lot of these messages. Nevertheless, my bro-in-law text me about something business related and we ended up talking on the phone which turned into a convo about me and H's situation. I was very emotional, stood outside in the rain on a very busy street in NYC crying. I told him H doesn't communicate with me at all. BIL told me it seems like H is content and neutral and doesn't seem to care about anything and that he needs to be dealing with the pain like I am but he's just avoiding it hoping it will all just go away. He told me that everyone on his side is very upset and confused.

We hung up then he called me back a bit later when I got home telling me he called H and told him that he is upset with him and that he needs to remember that he has a W and needs to communicate with me regardless of what he decides to do. His family has stepped back from the sitch and let H make his own destructive choices since H decided he wants a D. My BIL didn't tell H that I called but, he said felt he needed to step in b/c how H is treating me is disgusting and that he needs to communicate with me. H only really confides in and leans on his brother, no one else.

So I wake up for therapy this morning and then get a text from H this morning and this is the exchange:

H: How are you doing?
H: Are you around this weekend? I wanted to come and check-in on you.
M: I'm ok. Yes, I should be here.
H: Ok.
H: I'm sorry we haven't spoken, that's not right.
M: I understand. I know you're busy.

I'm hurt for a number of reasons, the main reason being that he wouldn't have called his own wife unless BIL stepped in. Also, "check-in on me"?? I mean hello! The other thing is I'm anxious that this might move us faster to him taking actions that I don't want.

Meanwhile, my therapist told me my balance is too high and basically that I can't continue to come until I pay off my balance. She's been very patient and lenient with me knowing the financial storm I'm in so I'm very grateful and thankful. I told her that maybe I can only come every other week for awhile until I can pay everything on time. This is hard b/c therapy has been one of my only outlets to vent and for biased guidance and now I don't have that as much. Feeling kind of - I can't even describe right now.