I realized its been a while since I posted... No significant changes to report.
I feel I'm doing a better job at GAL. If I feel an issue needs to be address with the kids, I now go do it without feeling like I have to vet everything with WAS first. Also with some logistic issues that mostly impact me, I let her know I'd like to discuss, but if she doesn't make time for that to happen, I go ahead with my plans. I have to admit it feels very odd, but I feel I'm doing the right thing, and it hasn't resulted in any real arguments yet, so I'll keep doing it since it seems to be working...
I was struck by another thread on the forum where Sandi was talking about WAS "temp checking" LBS, i.e. doing or saying something to see if they (WAS) are still in control of the relationship. I've had a few moments like that where WAW said she'd be willing to going back to how we were before, which I thought was outrageous given all the conversations we've had about how much she didn't like that past situation. Probably these where her testing me...
Feels like the Cold War where both sides don't trust each other, so are constantly verifying / testing, BUT have to maintain some sort of relationship (i.e. kids)...
I've found that when I'm having down times or starting to feel annoyed about the situation, I'm starting to look at what's annoying me and what I realize is that what's bugging me isn't really that big a deal. Sometimes I realize there could be a different, more innocent explanation for a comment or action. Other times I realize I'm making a bigger deal of a slight than needs to be. And then I can let the annoyance go, and I start to feel better. When there is something I feel like needs to be addressed, its feeling more like my choice to address and I can have the discussion without resentment and anger underlying my voice. It sounds simple, but it was initially really hard for me to do; starting to get easier to more I do...
Maybe this is the detachment or stoping being co-dependent that keeps getting mentioned here... Feels odd, but again feels likes its working as its helping me keep more of the anger out of my voice, and overall feeling more positive about everything I'm doing (versus carrying a grudge, which apparently I was very good at without realizing).
Situation is OK such that I'm continuing to wait it out. Kids don't seem impacted - no parents fighting; no feeling they need to choose sides. My R with WAW is cordial with moments of laughter. I'm continuing to feel like I'm improving myself, and developing some new better habits.
I feel like its my choice to wait and see as I feel its more important to keep the family together than any temporary unhappiness I'm feeling now. I want to have a R with my WAW, and I'm willing to wait to see how she works things out in her own head. I know the answer might be we can't rebuild, and I know I'll survive, but again feels like my *choice* to wait right now, which is good...
So odd to talk about so many different and new emotions, something I've never did before, and to do it with a large group of anonymous people... And still feel that I've got a shared bond with many of the people here based on their stories, so I'm not as alone as I thought...
Thanks everyone for the support, and for sharing your stories. Amazing how much they help.
