OMG! I am feeling the same way tonight. I did the gym too. (cue Twilight Zone music) I know I created some of this mess but I too am having a hard time looking at WAW tonight. The rejection feeling is strong tonight. Makes the pain go deep down inside. Feels much better than despair. Every angry day helps up move forward. Playing victim is not great for us but being lied to and sneaking behind the back of your S is low, I dont care if you are unhappy. I love and adore My WAW and would do anything to keep her but my inner dialogue asks the question, do you really want her? and why?
Not wrong at all at this point. When we get "there" we won't even care either way.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Ok... so here are my short term goals just to get the wheels in motion.
Continue with the gym - workouts will be on Sat, Sun, Tues, Wed.
IC - every Monday night
Alanon - Saturday mornings and Monday nights after IC
DivorceCare - Thursday nights
Daddy/Daughter date night - Every Friday night. Assuming D16 doesn't get sick of me. The theme will be exploring new ethnic restaurants until we decide to try something else.
Other to do's:
I will keep my Jeep clean and spotless (weather permitting) I will call guitar instructors and get pricing info before end of the week. I will talk to my boss about funding my PHR certification before end of next week. I will get outside for a hike at least once a week. Weather permitting, I will get to the driving range to work on my golf game in preparation for the summer at least once a week.
Other considerations:
I need to start thinking about selling my house and buying something more feasible. Either a smaller house or condo. Preferably a condo because I will be so busy GAL that I wont have time for landscaping, mowing, and watering.
I'm so glad you got started working on your goals and went to work out tonight! Congrats! Your short term GAL goals look like a great start. What a difference from last night - that roller coaster goes up too!! Keep it up.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Thornton, you are an inspiration! You were having a very bad day and look you made great progress out of a low. Congrats!! So to recap most of us although not mentally healthy are becoming more physically healthy (I just got back from the gym too 167 I have 9 more pounds). Wait and see others will follow your example.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Ok... so here are my short term goals just to get the wheels in motion.
Continue with the gym - workouts will be on Sat, Sun, Tues, Wed.
IC - every Monday night
Alanon - Saturday mornings and Monday nights after IC
DivorceCare - Thursday nights
Daddy/Daughter date night - Every Friday night. Assuming D16 doesn't get sick of me. The theme will be exploring new ethnic restaurants until we decide to try something else.
Other to do's:
I will keep my Jeep clean and spotless (weather permitting) I will call guitar instructors and get pricing info before end of the week. I will talk to my boss about funding my PHR certification before end of next week. I will get outside for a hike at least once a week. Weather permitting, I will get to the driving range to work on my golf game in preparation for the summer at least once a week.
Other considerations:
I need to start thinking about selling my house and buying something more feasible. Either a smaller house or condo. Preferably a condo because I will be so busy GAL that I wont have time for landscaping, mowing, and watering.
Thoughts?
This is incredible stuff Thornton! You asked how you gain confidence and become the man you've always wanted to be - I believe you start by doing what you've listed. You don't have to jump out of a plane to be outside of your comfort zone. Doing anything new is scary, and any time you're scared and do it anyway, you grow. It just takes time and reps. Time, reps, and reflection will change a man in ways he never thought possible.
One thing to throw in there, some weeks you may fall apart. Some weeks you may only get one of your list items done, and that's ok. Just don't give up. Don't tell yourself, well I skipped the gym Monday so the whole week is done. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start with what Tuesday has to offer. Be vigilant about your energy levels, BD is an expensive proposition emotionally and that may drain you.
Think of the long game with your goals. What would a full year look like if you did all of the above? How many new friends will you have? How many new conversations will you have had. How many experiences that you could never have planned will have taken place?
Growth happens both while we're achieving and getting after our goals, and in the magic in between them. Once you step into a new circle (guitar lessons), there people, ideas, thoughts, and advancements in that circle that have nothing to do with the guitar, that you are now privy to.
You should be really proud of yourself Thornton. People are going to ask you, how did you survive the worst of the worst? The answer is you felt all of it and took steps in spite of that pain.
This is how you build yourself up from the inside. This is how you not only turn yourself into a man only a fool would leave, but also a man that knows whatever happens to him he will be ok. Why? He knows himself.
I'm proud of you Thornton, lots of men on here are going to read your thread and follow your lead.
Man hug,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
That looks really good Thornton and I love that it is all about you, and embracing your life as it is now. Who knows what it may become in the future?? I love the ethnic restaurants idea with your D.
So, you have a plan now....hopefully next week will be better and the one after that, better again and so on.
As PP said - yes there will be dips, but the main direction of travel is a good one x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Keep it up Bud. You are inspiring me to do more...
This is something I've been practising. Seems to be a help which has surprised me as I don't usually read into these kind of things.... When you do or feel something that makes you feel good and confident, pinch your thumb and middle finger together fairly firmly. Close your eyes and imagine you as the best version of yourself, what you look like, what you feel like, how it feels to be super confident and able to deal with anything. Practice it several times a day. Then, when you feel negative, pinch.. and some of those feelings are there on tap. It's not a miracle but it has helped me. Cliche I know, but if you are on the right track, all you gotta do is keep walking....
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
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