Rednail, I read your story and see your age, and it brings tears to my eyes. I can understand your emotions, but I fear for you. I have a feeling if your H dumped OW and came home tomorrow, you would welcome him home with open arms. And the abuse would just continue. And that would be disasterous for you and your kids.
I married my ex when I was 24, had our IVF baby at 27, 6 months later he left me for OW. I was with ex since were 18-19. He was not abusive to the extent of your H, but he tore me down for the whole time we were together, was outrightly verbally abusive at times, and just destroyed me. I wanted nothing more for than him to come home. He never did, and he married OW. I am now 35. My daughter is now 8, I am not remarried, and I had one relationship since. But my life is infinitely better. My D8 loves her dad (but he does do some of what he did to me, to her, defeating her self-esteem) he has her every other weekend and one night a week. Ex and I get along, and I even get along with OW/W now. I realize she might actually be the stability for my D over there.
The blessing you have right now is an excellent support system. Your family and your friends and their family. Being a single mom is scary. I was fortunate I had a good career. Actually, it was at 25 I graduated from nursing school and began my career. I was in school while we were married.
You have a whole life ahead of you. You can start a career, take advantage of the help you have from others, look into programs in college that support single mothers.
I know after so many years of kind of being "brainwashed" into thinking this person you love so dearly you can't see life any other way. But he is very controlling and abusive. Unless he got help and recognized his problems and proved it to you, you should not be in the same home with him.
I know sometimes I hated hearing on these boards and IRL that me being so young was such a blessing, but it kind of was. Not because it gave me a chance to find someone else (which I haven't yet) but it gave me the gift of regaining my self worth and life and not having to live anymore years of my life being treated like doo-doo.
I'm proud of all the steps you have taken. You have a plan, you are GAL. But I will seriously urge you, even though this is a divorce busting board, please do not let this man back in if he just decides he's done with OW and wants to come back to control you.
You have a whole life ahead of you. Please, for your sake and the sake of your kids, do not let the abuse continue.
