I really would like to see an update on your thread before answering that question. Is your W still living in the rented house? Is the OM still staying with her? If the OM is still in the picture, then don't try to be her buddy. It places the OM in a romantic zone and it puts you in a friend zone while she continues her wayward lifestyle. She continues to get the best of both men.

If she really gets rid of the OM and stops all contact for good, then you can think about the next step, but from what I have observed in your thread, she misses her family and the life she had at home.........but has made it clear her feelings for you have not changed. I know you miss her and want her back home. I think you feel you need to help her out of the mess she created. IMO, she needs to clean up her side of the street. If you rescue her, she will be back in it again. Yes, it is painful to watch, but it is part of the process.

I strongly caution you not to take her back too quickly. She needs to do some work. If she seems regretful, ask yourself if it is b/c of the hurt it has caused you and the children, or is she feeling sorry for herself? It is an important difference. If you listen carefully, you can probably make that determination by what she says.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!