Long long day for mama rednail. Last night was the first night I KNEW where he was, with who, what he was doing.
I snapped. I woke up like a crazy lady on a mission.
Dropped off d5 to preschool and they let s3 stay for the day.. Her teacher and principal said I looked like I needed a baby free morning.
I drove my butt to the courthouse. Got all of the papers for child support, alimony, sole use of the house etc. 63 pages and 15$ later...I had all of those.
Cried like a baby in the car.
Went to my friends house and cried like a baby there. Left an emergency bag to make her dad happy. H doesnt know where they live.
63 PAGES?!?!?!
I will read them. They need to be notarized..I need so many papers from H that I do not know how I'll get them. It also is 400$ to file it.
Even if I never file it,at least I have it.
He texted me to tell me he was going home late and he would stop by before work and drop of something.
I said ok, will not be home. Please leave on the table.
H: where will you be?are you taking kids somewhere?
Me..nothing.
Went out to family lunch with mom, kids, siblings.
Got my nails redone.
Got my hair done-full head high lighta free from my mom (she works at a salon)
Bought myself a new pair of jeans.
H calls
H:Hey you actually answered
Me: Hi H Im not with kids there are at my moms with my brother and sister if you want to talk to them.
H: where are you? Your brother is here. You never told me.
Me:(my bro lives across the country.) yes H my brothers been here a few days but if you call the house someone will answer. I have another call coming in so I'll talk to you later.
H:I know I can hear it beeping. Make them wait we are still talking and you never talk to me anymore.
Me: ok h what else is there you want to talk about for the kids?
H:nothing
Me: well then I'm gonna talk to you later then?
H: i wanted to see the kids
Me: go visit at my moms ( my moms is 5 mins from his parents)
H:you are very suspicious lately. Sneaky..like you are hiding something. I dont like it. You dont answer my calls or texts unless I'm mean to get your attention. You are always hanging up and never want to talk to me. You are ALWAYS on the phone. who the heck are you always talking to now a days.
ME:(in my head- you left me. You have ow. What does it effin matter you idiot.) I do have friends and my friend is calling again so I'll talk to you later.
H:wait we didnt get to talk about this weekend and the kids. I want to go fishing one day and have plans sunday so i do not know what day I'll want them.
Me: well I have plans friday night. Saturday morning and night and sunday night so let me know so I can find a sitter for the other days.
H:omg with who thats so many plans..who will have our kids?
Me: ok. I'll figure it out but i gotta go
H: sunday I'm going with x.y.z(all male coworkers I know) and xs son to a card tournament that night.
Me: okay. Sounds fun. Im hanging up now. I'm driving and i want to call my friend.
H: oh well okay..bye I'll call you later.
Went home after family day around 6pm
7pm H calls FROM WORK
Me:hello
H:hey you never told me if you were going out all night or if you were gonna have them
(Kids laughing and noisy.)
Me:I'm home now, kids come talk to daddy.
D5 says hi. Love you. Miss you. Goodnight.
S3: no i dont want daddy anymore
H: why wont s3 talk..
Me: he doesnt want to S3 say hi to daddy
S3: no (hangs up phone.)
H calls back
H:s3 say goodnight to daddy i miss you
S3:no i dont like you anymore
Me: s3 seems tired and ready for bed.. so let me go.
H:fine..hangs up
FEW HOURs LATER
H calls 10pm..kida asleep from work. I ignore
Voicemail- call me at work..it is important. This is my Work # and extension..(really man. Youre my h and act like I DONT KNOW IT already.)
Call him at work since he NEVER asks me too. MAYBE 2-3 times and my friends husband almost got stabbed in the neck yesterday with a pencil so I still worry.
Me: hey you ok?
H: what is wrong with s3?
Me: huh?nothing why
H: he wouldnt talk to me. Hea mad at me. I'm his favorite. He loves me.
Me: he is 3 and tired. Is that all you wanted me to call for?
H: yes it is bugging me that he didnt want to talk to me
Me: he is 3. He is fine. Have a good night. I'll talk to you later.
H:oh we okay bye.
It was a long day. I was too exhausted to argue. 180. Db I just faked being nice while trying not to flip out.
MY MOM FRIEND works for a psychiatrist. She was telling me theg also have regular counsling not MC counseling like I'm going to. She got my info and said they take my insurance and knows the perfect person for me. I told her the basics.
H left..not h is dating my ex best friend.
So hopefully I'll get into the top counseling place in my town without the 3 month waiting list. She said ahe will get me in asap since she is like the director and can over ride everything.
V- I do not want the sweet cycle. I do not want it at all. I think getting the papers at the courthouse myself really helped me today. I wish you had good words to say but you give me what I NEED TO HEAR NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR. THIS is why I LOVE AND VALUE your opinion. I would rather CRY from the truth then be HAPPY with a lie that will never happen to be crushed more later.
Tim-I found out 3 moms from my class go to the church i want to start going too and one of my best friends go. They are starting a moms only bible study group on like a wednesday. They are all going so I am going to join! They will have mom tim and studying and the kids will have a sunday school type thing.
Job- put 2500$ in a safety deposit box. Emergency clothes and bag at my good friends house that h doesnt know where it is and one at my moms.
Painter: yes i let him have all the control. I gave up everything to make him happy. It doesnt make me happy anymore knowing and seeing how.much i really gave up trying. Yes I'm working on being a stronger person.
At 11pm my bro and sis botb came to spend the night. We bought 30$ in taco bell..played card games..hung out and drank juice..in pjs on the floor of my living room.
My brother leaves for another 6-7 months and spent 1000$ to come here for ME. He almost dated the OW but we told him he couldnt because he was 18 and she was 25..now I'm like she couldnt have my brother so she took my husband. But when I told him he showed up 1 day later. I really missed him and havent seen him in 8 months.
I do not plan on seeing H between now and Friday afternoon.
