Now, the real work begins..Part II

[Tyler12]

It does feel like a fine line while you are figuring out how you need to be. If you go back far enough in my thread there is a post I said the exact same thing.

Tyler,
I didn't know which way to go - keep detaching or be friends so it could develop into more?

I really do understand this statement. I loved it and I still struggle with it too. However, is it going to develop into more right now? Do you want it to develop into more right now? this sounds harsh, it hurts when I think about it too, he is having an affair and you want to be friends and hope it recreates love.
Being friends and having an expectation that it will make things all better does not help!

I didn't like hearing it either, it is reality broke. And I can tell you I still think that way sometimes too.

I have a little story too, it isn't as good as thortons, tho I have lived through the same thing Thorton described above.
Anyway. The other day W called for something. I don't remember. I didn't answer.
I then got a text of a pic of a birthday invite S3 got at daycare. His first official bday invite and he is excited. She called again and I answered. We talked about the boys. And had a nice talk. This is also the talk where she asked how I was and it floored me.
I felt good after that talk. Then I thought to myself, I should call a florist and have flowers sent to her work. Not put my name on it. Just a nice gesture... Then I thought about it.
Why do this? Because I want her to notice me and get a positive reaction. I would be manipulating.
Does she want this from me? NO! The first thing she would do is ask OM if he sent them. He may say yes cause I imagine he is a douche, or if not she would know it was me and that's pursuing.
Is it going to help anything? No! What possible positive would have come from it? She give up waywardness and comes back? Not likely.

My point is I struggle with it too, stop and think of its best for you. Not for DB. Not for M. Is it best for you to allow this person and all the baggage they have back into your life right now?