Not sure where to stand

[Sparkls]

Just got back from yoga which was both good and bad. Good because exercise is good and felt good to be out of the house. Bad because I hadn't really eaten much today and almost passed out. whoopsies.
Went with my best friend and she made a point that I can't shake now. If a guy had done to my daughter what Bf has done to me, how would I feel. And my answer is that it would take all of my will power not to throttle the guy. I think that I've internalized so much of the blame for the things wrong with our relationship that I haven't really gotten to the anger phase.
One of the things I loved about Bf was how good he was with kids and how I could see what a great dad he'll be one day. But the guy he is now would be a terrible dad. Bails when there's trouble, doesn't open up about his feelings, treats the people who have been the most loyal to him like garbage. That's not the guy I want to be my kids' Dad. And it makes me really angry that the woman Bf is friends (OW's best friend, who both OW and Bf are staying with now) with has 3 kids of her own, ranging in age from 6-14. And she is a *terrible* mom. She just showed all of her kids that it's okay to lie and cheat on your spouse if you're unhappy. She condoned this affair. She let it happen in her home. Hell, she's still letting it happen in her home. Who does that?! (Even bf has said she's a terrible mother)

I guess I just keep coming back to this idea that Bf has surrounded himself with sh*t people, I really shouldn't be surprised that now he smells like sh*t and acts like sh*t. (sorry for the crass language. I'm holding back believe it or not) So going back to something Thornton mentioned. I don't want this guy back. I want the better guy I know he's capable of being. But he has to want to be that guy and until he does, yes, I'm done.