Not sure where to stand

[Sparkls]

My intention is not to say that I"m done, but rather validate of sorts that the things he feels are concerns are legitimate and need to be addressed. You know, the rather be happy than right.That's why I questioned the packing of stuff. I Guess I am just trying to find a way to show him that I really am listening to his concerns and his feelings.

The last real conversation we had was before I really started 180ing and involved a lot of me dinging the OW (basically playing the pick me dance) and when he said he never loved me, me saying basically that's complete bullsh*t. It was not a pretty conversation, it accomplished nothing, and was pushing him away. That's when I left and when I started the NC. I guess part of wanting to send this is so he doesn't think of that as our last conversation.And part of it may be trying to protect myself and not hold onto any expectations for when he comes back from CO. I just had no warning when this bomb was dropped and I'm scared for the moment that all hope is extinguished, so if I drop the rope first, he can't hurt me more.