I think the most important thing for you is to set boundaries for the behaviours which are acceptable to you.
Your boundaries, if you don't know what these are then you can't enforce them.
I like Al Turtle and his explanation on boundaries, it is written for teenagers and it makes sense to me.
Knowing what is important to you in terms of values. It isn't about control of another it is centered on you and your values and beliefs.
Resolving what is important to you.
Detaching isn't moving on, it is letting go of the outcome, so that when you reinforce your boundaries you do so irrespective of the effect on your W. You do so because its correct.
It seems to me that you are doing the majority of care for yourself and your children whilst W is starting to become rather erratic.
It might be time to look at this again, it could be that you agree to do the weekly accounts and in return W agrees to undertake a different task.
This is a family and W could be doing her share of the chores.
I think its time to be strong, validating and to set and enforce your boundaries.
So in that vein, what are your boundaries?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
