I believe MWD refers to gathering intel (may not her exact words). What I feel becomes unhealthy is how it seems almost addictive to the LBS. I have seen some that was haunted by the information they gathered, and yet, they would continue going back to read through emails and text messages. They got more caught up in snooping than in working on themselves. The information they received through snooping affects some people after the M is reconciled, just as some LBS's cannot deal with knowing every little detail of the AP's having sex. (However, MWD says they should have all their questions about the affair answered). The LBS is stuck with those images branded in the mind. Each person has to decide what is healthy or unhealthy for themselves. I just know there have been so many who have said they wished they had never known.
These "rules" are just a guideline to give newcomers a place to start DBing. I will just say that each person has to follow their own conscious and do what they feel is right about #10.
I see. Fortunately I found none of those types of images, just some fairly innocuous headshots of WW and OM.
It was more the intent and words that really hurt me. But if I didn't look at my WW's phone or emails (which I didn't for 17 years, even though I was the fool that set up her phones!), I probably would not know to this day what happened. I would have had to buy the whole "we've grown apart" speech she gave me.
When I hear WW's conversations now it does hurt me badly, especially when she is plotting against me and refers to me in a negative manner. However, I feel I am justified doing this as in the long run it will help my son and me legally and financially.
The information I gathered in the first episode of WW's EA did affect me after we reconciled. However, I made myself complacent that I blocked out the negative feelings I had then and taught myself to believe in her completely. I trusted her completely, after we had S11 and believed her words that "nothing will tear us apart."
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
