Had to pick up the dog from H's house this morning. Kids brought her to car. Got a text from my H: thx for picking up the dog. Careful as roads turn to freezing! I just responded: thx, enjoy Florida. (He's headed to Florida for golf).
I'm trying not to read into every little interaction. But I feel like the last couple days we've had some interactions like this. I feel like we are in the "friend zone" now, which was what he said he wanted when all of this started. To D me and be my friend not my H. Any thoughts? Is this better than being hateful to each other? Should I try to detach more and not be so friendly?
Anyway, good news is I'm teaching half day this morning so I can't dwell. Have a great day db'ers!
Last edited by Cadet; 02/24/1610:48 AM. Reason: Link
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I would not read too much into it, I know it's not what you want to hear. They still have feelings for you and are concerned for your welfare, its early stages and they are still in their fog. You have to remember they think they are in control and you are pathetic, in their eyes any way, that's why it's important to GAL and show them you don't need their sympathy or support, you can get along without them. My wife still dose this "are you alright" look out for this look out for that and texting things she think might help. It all comes down to them wanting to be in control, "I still want to be friends" It's what THEY want, not what WE want. Just be civil when you reply to him, don't show any signs of weakness IE pursuing ect be friendly but not too friendly. They just want it all, their OW and you waiting if it all goes wrong, you deserve better than that.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
That's why I'm so confused! I did a 180 for me and the kids to get over my raging anger about the A. So we could co-parent civilly. But he seems to think we are "friends" again. That's what he initially told me he wanted - a divorce and for us to be better friends than we ever had before. Crazy, huh?!
I'm not sure how to even set boundaries. That sounds pathetic I know but we don't live together anymore, he's filed for D, bought a new house and has told me on several occasions it's over. I'm not sure what boundaries to set.....he doesn't come in and out of my life anymore, I have no idea what's going on with the OW. We only really communicate about the kids.
I guess I'm in dire need of help in this area...
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Broke. I made the mistake of being friendly like a neighbour and Sandi set me straight. If your S is in an A you can treat them like a neighbour. But like the neighbour you wish didn't live beside you. You are polite if they catch you in the back yard. Other than that you find an excuse to go inside and you tend to avoid bumping into them.
I'm having a similar issue now with W texting and being friendly. I don't respond unless necessary. When you do the dynamics do change a little and you can't get sucked back when they play nice. I almost did the other day because she asked how I was for the first time in months. And said sorry when she made a mistake. Also the first in months. I had to stop myself from reacting to the little things and niceness from her. Remember to take your time and think things through. If it remains difficult come here.
Don't let yourself be just a friend unless it is what YOU want. Not so you can still be connected with H. You are better than that broke.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
