Not sure where to stand

[Ojap]

Sparks,

Those are some great goals. My younger sister is in Med school now and is completely overwhelmed....and she is single!

It is a testament to your strength and the content of your character that you are managing this storm.

Curious...I'm guessing that your Residency will move you geographically away from Bf. I think I read earlier that the Bf wasn't super happy about the move to your school area. Just curious as to that dynamic and how it could affect your DBing.

[Sparkls]

I honestly have no idea. I will be moving to much more desirable locations for residency. The BF was excited about it a while ago, but he's been pulling away for at least the last 9 months and thus, any time I"ve tried to get his input, he just says he'll be happy with wherever.
My IC wonders if some component of this is fear over the change in roles to becoming the doctors husband rather than the med student's boyfriend and is there some sense of inadequacy and fear over the change in roles.
What it means for any sort of R or DBing is that in 3 months, I'm moving. I don't have quite the luxury of time. But I also have a chance for a complete fresh start, which is appealing / terrifying. I had originally thought of it as a fresh start for both of us, cause he could quit the job he hates and start doing something he loves without the worry of having to support us. But he's having some components of a MLC in that he's not sure what he wants to do anymore. (the plan had been to work at like a video game store for a year or two then start a family and he wanted to be a stay at home dad).

[Sparkls]

Where I'm sitting right now:
BF:
I would like to talk to talk for a minute if you aren’t too busy.
I think you’re right that we need to separate. I hear all of your concerns and I agree that they are real problems and I agree that we both need some space.
I am working on cleaning and organizing the house in preparation for the move. I would like to know what you would like for me to do with the things of yours that are still remaining here.


How's that for a 180? :-P

[Thornton]

Sparks,

Did you send that to BF?

[Sparkls]

I haven't yet but I think I'm going to. Debating on the what to do with his stuff part

[Sparkls]

Slight rewording:
Bf:
I would like to talk for a minute if you aren’t too busy.
I just wanted to say that I have heard all of your concerns and I agree that they are very real problems. While I’d like this relationship to work, you're right that right now, it's not working.
I am working on cleaning and organizing the house in preparation for the upcoming move. I would like to know what you would like for me to do with the things of yours that are still here.

[Sparkls]

Ok sorry I"m having a girl moment and over thinking everything. We havne't spoken in a week and he's in CO have his "me" time. I don't want to interrupt that with this text as I don't want it to come across as me trying to force the issue while he's on vacation. I fear this is something he's likely to do as when I offered for us to pay for his plane ticket to CO (his friend offered first), he said it was me trying to be controlling.

Maybe wait to send it till he's on the plane ride home? Maintain NC while he's gone?
Thoughts anyone?

[Sparkls]

PS why is it so much easier to give advice to others but then I second guess everything I do myself?

Add that to my list of personal things to work on.

[Ojap]

I think Thornton's wording is spot-on. Also....none of it sounds controlling (and I'm a guy who has a wife in the Med field). It sounds like you are responsibly trying to work through some very difficult, and very time-sensative issues. Just IMHO....

[Sparkls]

I don't think Thornton actually said anything about wording :p (I just keep replying to my own thread) so I'm guessing you mean the second wording? I think I may wait a little while to send it just because packing isn't that time sensitive (I've got 3 months) So if I start bringing it up now, it may be interpreted as me using it as an excuse to talk to him. So I think I'm going to sit in the NC quiet for a bit longer.

And I never thought it sounded controlling either. I told the friend paying for the plane ticket this too and his response was "weird how being nice can come across as being controlling."

Side note: going to yoga tonight for the first time in like 2 years. I'mma be so sore tomorrow!