have i been making mistakes too long part 7

[tkdmme]

I am down mu. I've been this way for a couple weeks now. I cant seem to pull out of it. I guess its just the roller coaster syndrome. I was doing great for a long time and then I found out some news from work. I was going to Charleston SC at the end of this month but plans have changed. Now I will be here in the same place for the next 18 months. This really screwed up my plans. I was hoping that when I went away it would give me some time to renew my mind in a new place. Since I heard the news that I am not leaving, I cant seem to make a new plan. Im still in the house that my family has been in for 10 years. All of the pictures are still on the walls and I cant bear to take them down. The kids bedrooms are untouched from when they left. When I have the kids they don't even sleep in there anymore. She took everything she wanted and left me with all the junk she doesn't. I am trying to clean the place up and get rid of all the reminders but im having a hard time doing it.

I have a very demanding job and it is extremely stressful. I am running 2 multi-million dollar construction projects on a nuclear power plant alone. My company has taken all of the help I had and left me here to finish these buildings. That stress compounded with the stress of failing my W and children has me in a place I have never been. I hate coming to work and I hate going home. I am still have a night job playing piano every other week or so but im getting tired of that too.

It just seems that I cant find any relief from the constant stress. I spoke with my doctor today (who happens to be my W's brother) and he is setting me up on some anti-anxiety medication so maybe that will help. Right now I just don't see the point in living at all. I know it sounds dark but this is how I feel. I am not suicidal and I would never hurt myself but i do day dream about it. Its almost relaxing.

I will continue to post and thanks for the feedback.