This is all a process Thornton. It's like having your arms cut off and expecting to be grateful a week later because you're still able to use a pen stuck in your mouth to type. It takes time. You've got a loss to mourn, give that its due.
I was in your shoes too my friend, no one and nothing without my WAW. Truly, I was a shell and had no idea who I was when she left. My business partner asked to buy me out and have me leave our 250 person business a week later! Talk about losing your identity.
What I found was 1) it takes time to find yourself, you can't jump that timeline, so breathe. 2) Spend time with yourself, even if you hate it. Start to find what movies you like, what foods you like to cook, what makes you happy. 3) Explore. Right now exploration feels like you're having your fingernails pulled out and it might for some time, but you've got to work through it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Recently, I swallowed the decision that I am 100% responsible for say 80% of my happiness. That's on me. That's completely independent of having a partner, a business, good health, a roof over my head, any of it. I have to self generate that 80% by looking around the world and being grateful. Being grateful for even the tiniest of things - like the fact I can walk, I have two good eyes, my heart isn't a wonky (no offense Wonka) one, I have people in my life that love me, no one that I know of is actively trying to hunt me down and murder me. See where I'm going here?
You've experienced the potential for a life changing lesson here - appreciation of what you have before it goes away. If tomorrow morning you woke up with no arms, you'd probably wish you'd appreciated how easy typing was. Start appreciating that now!
Even if it seems like you're tricking yourself, start listing and saying out loud the smallest things throughout the day that you are grateful for. Once you build that 80% up, then a woman in your life is a compliment, not a hole filler. Once you build that 80% up, then a family is a compliment, not your identity.
It's not easy, but you can do this. Take it one day at a time and start to shift your focus onto what is amazing about your life, and away from the one thing that may not be as amazing as you'd like it to be.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Thank you! I've been feeling broken like something was defective in me. Beating myself up for not being more solid.
It's hard because alot of my guy friends just simply move on after a break up. You know, the "alpha male" stuff. It makes me feel inferior when they see me hurting.
That stuff just seems so shallow to me. They never fully invest in relationship.
Perhaps I'm way on the other end of the spectrum where I over invest in my relationship. Probably.
I listened to "The Secret" on my way home last night. Not sure if you know about it, but it's the law of attraction. I don't know if I truly buy all of it but there was a chapter on gratitude. I will definately work on this, thanks for the tips.
I would second PPs comments on practicing gratitude. That has helped me a lot since BD. When I catch myself feeling low....I catch myself quick and say - what am I thankful for?? List it every day!!
You begin to feel blessed rather than cursed. Have I recommended the Shawn Achor TED talk on happiness? That's worth a listen.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
