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[Painter]

I don't know if I agree with your IC - or her ability to predict the future. My H had his A with a woman he had a very strong crush on 30 years ago, she was 'the one that got away', but she was with someone else at the time. The A lasted 2+ years and it's over now - she wasn't what he thought she was, he said. I don't even think he'll hook up with her if we split.

However, you should get to a place where you can see your H clearly for who he is, and then choose freely if this is someone you want in your life. It's your choice, too - whether you want to try to save your M or if you feel this is a man with a character you don't like.

You also have to look at your own behavior. Did you give up your power to H? Did you allow him to take control or did you object and voice your opinion? Did you let him get away with bad behavior? Ideally, he should of course not act in a way that is not caring or not with your best interest in mind, but we're all less than ideal and carry baggage.

Your H is young and still learning how to be a H. Your response is part of that learning process. He sounds spoiled, bored and domineering to me. He also sounds negatively impacted by his work, which is not unusual. I have seen my H change so much in his attitude over the years, depending on who he hangs out with.

I would focus on effective responses to controlling behavior before looking into anything like a NC order, especially since you have children. I draw boundaries with my H to let him know his verbal outbursts don't get him what he wants. I give him truth darts about how his choices affect us. The reaction your H had to the boundary you already set, was positive. He didn't react by escalating.

If the OW holds the power in that R, she may tire of your H before long if he continues these antics with her.

*You* have to change something - to become a stronger person in your own right and improve your M, should it survive this.