Can I find compassion for my mom? I'm trying. That's why I keep making the effort. This last time she caught me off guard and it really hurt, especially after I had just spent the phone call telling her how happy I am, how much better off we all are, etc. It really hurt. If I go into a conversation knowing to be on guard she can say things all day long and I can keep her at arm's length without getting too hurt, but when I let my guard down, have a free and open conversation, and then get blind-sided like that, the hurt penetrates.
I've been struggling with a constant low-level panic that I'm going to get hurt by New Guy. He has given me ZERO indication that he's leaning in that direction at all -- if anything, he is looking more into a long-term future together than I have been. But I can't shake the fear. Any suggestions? I need to let that go before I attract the reality.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
