Overweight and I'm sure she isnt physically attracted to me. I realize that her issues with me go deeper than looks, but does it play a part?
Physical attraction an important part. I believe the degree of importance differs with people. There is also a difference in a person losing their sense of personal pride in their appearance.....from say, a person just getting older. I have seen skinny people look pretty bad, so it's not alway about being overweight. We aren't going to look like we did when we were in our 20's, but we can look our best at whatever age we are. We have to do the best with what we have. For some, they take for granted their spouse will always be with them, and it's easy to let their appearances go. Have you kept the lost weight off, or did you gain it back?
Have you noticed a change in her appearance? Does she dress younger or more sexy than she use to dress? Has she changed her hair style (color, etc.). You said she seldom went anywhere, so I assume she doesn't go out partying and staying till the wee hours of the morning.
Has she talked about losing her youth, or wasting years, or anything along those lines? Did she ever seem restless, as if she were caged?
Has there been a great loss (parent, close friend)recently? Were there some unresolved issues from her childhood that you know about?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
For some, they take for granted their spouse will always be with them, and it's easy to let their appearances go. Have you kept the lost weight off, or did you gain it back? 