I get what you're saying. I just don't know how to switch my thinking up.
How do you change something that's being automatic for so long?
It's like telling me to think the sky is green instead of blue, and to believe it.
I've been so depedent on her that I've lost myself. I don't even know where to start to look for myself, she took my compass.
Not trying to make excuses, just being honest.
People say work on yourself. Ok great! I don't know who I am, what do I work on? Where do I start? People say therapy, exercise and in my case, alanon. I'm doing those things (well maybe not the exercise like I should - I will).
I can go to the gym and work on my 6 pack, I can go to therapy and talk about my sh!t, I can go to alanon and talk to others in relationships with alcoholics, but once that is all said and done, when I walk back out to my Jeep, I'm back to missing W and hoping she misses me.
Do I just need more time? Will things start to reveal themselves with more time and distance? Or am I just screwed?
If you told me exactly what to do (in laymen's terms) to feel better about myself and to grow as a person, I would do everything you told me to do. I would do it willingly and without hesitation.
Am I just stuck in the denial/bargaining stage of grief? Hoping and praying for a miracle?
I see some people come here and instantly take to DB'ing. The first week they are panicking. Second week they are GAL. Third week saying "I think I deserve better than the WAS".
^^^Ok, maybe that's an exageration but that blows my mind! How do they find their footing so fast???
Am I just so unhealthy that I need to learn to walk again? Like Eddie Van Halen had to relearn the guitar after quitting drinking?
Maybe I need to put it all on paper. Think about the type of man I want to be and what the looks like. Then make a list of short and long term goals and start checking them off one by one.
^^^Problem with this is I don't know who I want to be. I've always wanted to be the family guy. The husband, father, and provider for the family. That's what gives me a sense of purpose. That's what's always made me whistle in the morning on my way out the door.
So I'm single now. And I know I'm no where close to being ready for a relationship with anyone.
