Ojap's Story

[Ojap]

My eyes are wide open....I really am struggling with wanting to snoop. Because I have confronted and 'read into' several messages, even from some of her friends (accusing her of having plans to fully divorce, etc) she has her communications on lock down.

I would literally have to hack her phone, or put a network sniffer on our home system. That seems pretty obtrusive.

Some more background:

She had an emotionally and sometimes physically abusive Father (alcohol involved). He was very controlling, passive aggressive, and manipulative. Her father then found 'God', and put a stop to the physical abuse and alcohol around Ws 12 or 13th birthday. Emotional control still present.

However...her mother and fathers relationship was very strained. They divorced less than a month after W and I were married and Ws younger sister was out of house. Shortly after that (6 months)...her father found another Woman...but things were so new/fresh for W, that the relationship was strained...and about 6 years ago her Father completely shut her out. No returned calls, no returned mail., etc.

Here is where Ws inability to be assertive kicks in...like she is now 'finding her voice'. That she can be/feel exactly who she wants to be. She contends that she allowed me to 'mold her' into the person I wanted her to be. I admit that I have a strong personality. My family voices their opinions, we love to debate, etc. So...I carried that over into my MR.

So...because of that...W is now saying she wants to be 'alone'. So she can find herself, so she can feel all the things she wants to feel without walking around on eggshells or feeling guilty. She states her 3 feelings, in order, are: Failure, Guilt, and Worthlessness.

At any rate...thank you for your thoughts TxHubby. I think my worst fear is EA or PA....and I want so badly to believe her that one isn't happening...but it is tough. I simply want the truth so I can move forward either way!