A couple of things Red, abusers are not happy people. They are deeply damaged and raging inside. As a result many of them need to control their environment and the people around them. They do so because those people hold the qualities they want. In addition when your WH describes you as X or Y or Z he is referring to himself. Being with OW 1 2, or in my WH case 6 won't make them happy, and the more scuzzy the OW the less happy they will be. Each OW is put on a pedestal and then they fall off. I took my WH back 3 times after 3 OW, so I did much better than average!
It is referred to as idealised, devaluation and discard, I call it the sweet cycle.
The great danger is that each time you take back an abuser who has not recovered the deeper the cycle of abuse and the more damaged you will be.
So much as I would love to give you words or actions to bring your WH home, I am unsure this will help until WH wants to recover. You may feel like a leftover, this is not the case, from where V sits you are a vibrant loving woman with enormous endurance and spirit trapped in an R which was set up from childhood.
Do abusers recover? Most don't because they don't accept who they are because that would mean knowing the damage. So do I think my WH regrets his behaviour? Yes I believe he may although it is likely only because he is short of resources, money and a home. His solution? Find another target or try to recycle V again.
Until WH wants to recover and work on himself to be the best H he can be, atone and commit to himself then him wanting to come home only has alternative motives of control. This leaves you with another sweet cycle and if you are like V each one leaves you lower. Only WH can do this work for himself, none of my words can change this nor can yours.
Please let me know how you get on. I really care that you are safe, this comes from a place of experience. And like V you make the choices in everything you do, no one else does.
Keep posting, sending you my very best rainbow strength.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
