have i been making mistakes too long part 7

[tkdmme]

I am just need to vent this morning. I know that the feeling of loss is something that is very familiar to all of us on this site and loneliness is no stranger to any of us. I sit alone with the dog every night trying to make up my mind. Is my M completely over or do I keep hope alive. At this point im ready to let go of the hope and accept what will be the biggest failure of my life.
I love my W so much and miss her obsessively. However that feeling pails in comparison to the loss of my children. I cant bare the thought of being a part time dad. I feel that they would be better off if I just disappeared. They only need me for money anyway. Nothing I have done through this process has had any effect on my W. Whether im DBing or doing the wrong things, it doesn't seem to make a difference. Her family still thinks that there is hope for us, but I know better.
Also, I am overwhelmed at the things that are to come such as legal issues, money, our house. I still wonder what she is thinking. She said not long ago that she has thought of coming back but just cant do it. What does that mean? If she thinks of coming back, what is keeping her from it? Does she think that because she has gone this far that there is no turning back?

Still so confused!!