Did you ever get explanation from him or his ex. What were the failinfs in that marriage? Has what i thought were part of my 180 resource kit actually been me being a door mat?
Have you been letting him take advantage of you or have you been catering to him to the point of hurting yourself? If no, then you have been letting him live his life. You have made a choice that you will not interfere with his quest for whatever he is seeking. That is not being a doormat.
Has what i thought was detachment implied that i am ok with ExH actions?
Detachment is you taking control of your life and your reactions. If you are truely detaching, you no longer allow his actions to control yours. You are free willed as is he. If you are not ok with his bullcrap or if you are, it really doesnt matter...you have chosen to not let his quest destroy you. You have made a concious choice to not hold onto him and he can be what he thinks he needs to. It is early here...so maybe not making sense, but to answer your original question, no you havent given him any indication right? At some point you are going to set a big boundary, and that is 'i will not allow your crazy battshit insanity hurt me or these boys financially with this separation' that is not condining anything.
Have i implicitly condoned his behaviour by not doing my usual rant/rave/ "i'm right you are wrong" act?
For good o bad, everyone has free will. His choices are his. If his choices are hurting you, you need to protect yourself. It sounds like a separation agreement is in the works, so no i dont think you are condoning his actions, you are protecting yourself from financial harm with an s agreement, legitimate parenting agreements, etc. Feeling better for typing my thoughts out however, and for feeling as if i am not going it all alone - and some of it is so crazy that only those in the know would ever believe.
Keep tying to get this out.
You have been reading and working, that is clear. You are not raw like so many who come here...when they have just been blindsided and are still reeling.
I am very proud if your composure! I get that aome days it doesnt always feel like our heads are necessarily screwed on tight, but my gut tells me you are getting a real solid footing.
I will. Leave the parenting questions to others who have gone through this, but on the outside...your h showing an interest in your kids, i dont think it is necessarily a terrible thing.
Also, how deep into the mlc forums have you gotten. I think it will be a good idea to get through your first thread or two, to get to know folks, get a solid footing w8th moderation and eventually make your move over there.
There are A LOT of folks over there going though this exact situation and they will be an amazing support network for you...i am very sure you will have some lessons learned to share with them too.
