Not sure where to stand

[Sparkls]

Of course situations are never quite that simple. Essentially, yes. Except it was more than just breaching rules, he pulled the ILYBNILWY and "Not sure if I want to be with you." The separation happened because he continued to bring this OW to my home and I could only take so much.
But yes, he historically has a problem with rules.

I've already told him that I don't want an open R. I really haven't wanted one for years. It was a flight of fancy from a much younger and stupider me. But I didn't speak up for that loudly enough. One of my mistakes in our R. He had expressed that he never wanted it to begin with. During one of our brief "ups" on this roller coaster, we were speaking about what we each wanted from the future and I made it clear that if it continued, the relationship would no longer be Open. While I believe there are some couples who can successfully do "alternative R"s. I'm not one of them and I don't want to pretend to be anymore.

So what are my goals? Short term: graduate med school (in 3 months), lose some weight, continue counseling because it's been long overdue, work on being the person I used to be before life really knocked me down one too many times.

As far as my R, I just want a chance to see where things lead. I firmly believe that the love that we had and the life that we built is worth fighting for, even if we fail. I'm frustrated because the people Bf has surrounded himself with here are not good people. I'm seeing him slip back into his old destructive ways, the ways we worked so hard for him to overcome. And I have always been there for him before to act as the voice of reason but that's not something I can do right now. He has to fight this journey alone. And that leaves me with a hole. I'll be fine without him. My life is going to good places. But the good places are so much better when you get to share them with the person you love. So I guess I'm hoping he'll see that. So goals for my R: I have none. Because there's nothing I can do anymore.