Sandi's Reflections

[daybyday]

Sandi, after my last post, me and W had a long overdue lay-it-all on the table talk. I believe with all my heart that she is WAW. We discussed past EA 8 years ago and she was remorseful and ashamed. We also agreed that we never knew enough back then to begin to work on the real troubles of our M. There is noone else and we agreed that when we separate that there will be no one else in the picture or the whole thing is moot. I am leary of someone who has lied in the past but I truly believe she has issues other that another romantic interest. She will be financing her apt but will require some help. I told her that I will be paying attention to our acct. and we agreed that this is reasonable. It will be a 6 month lease.

My question is now A. Do i help her move out? the only reason I am considering it is because she could have been a real bitch and came at me hard with D papers in hand already, or not agreed to try a separation. So even though she is WAW I am going to do that. B. How do I proceed from there interaction wise? I don't want to be her BFF and will work on myself and being a better H. Is less more even with a WAW or do I interact more? I know I have been told, "make her feel what it's like to live on her own" so unless I detach she won't feel or possibly miss anything. On the other hand, by me detaching, doesnt that just make it easier for her to learn to live without me as her H? I am glad that we are getting this process started as living together in same house and guessing the answers to my many questions was not fun. I feel that I now have my answers and although am not happy that she feels she has to leave, it will give us both some time to think. I may feel different in 6months just as she might. She has come around a bit though. When B was dropped she said there was no way that her feelings could change. Now, she's not sure. Not sure would be a normal response IMO. because, who does know the future. People can fall in love again, but not without reflection, forgiveness and real change. I hope that we can get there, but I am a dumb insecure male at this point in my journey. My life has been my family and I will need some support from this great board to smack me in the head when needed and to uplift me when I despair. Rambling a lot I know but I am just relieved. If you take the time to read and respond, bless you as I haven't remembered to break my response into smaller paragraphs for easier reading. lol