surrealism is not my style

[ciluzen]

The unknown is so scary, isn't it?

We become so entrenched in our R's and they provide a sense of comfort and stability. When they end, we are left dangling in the wind. ALL of our routines change, nothing feels safe anymore, and the future appears bleak.

I have the same fears, Cil. I think we all do.

I think you are in a good place in your sitch. IMO, you are ahead of the curve. Let's look at the positives, shall we?

1. You still interact with your H and have opps to validate him.
2. Your H is unsure if he wants to D.
3. Your H does NOT seem happy now that the D has been filed, there's no sense of relief for him.
4. You have a LONG history with H, that's not easy to replace.
5. You are here, working on your marriage. Working on yourself.

^^^that's all really good stuff, Cil.

I don't even have the opportunity to chat with waw. There's nothing that binds us. The house is in my name, both our children are from previous relationships. There's really no reason for us to talk. I WISH I had an opportunity to interact with her.

Flip it in your mind to look at the positives here. And allow yourself to feel good about them.

I see the positives as you outlined them, Thor. They look good on paper, but H is so stubborn about his idea that I didn't like him. He even had a hard time saying we had a good time this weekend, but finally came up with us knowing each other so well and being so familiar and comfortable together.
Isn't that a GOOD thing?

He couldn't explain why he felt the need to call me twice on Sunday or why he called after leaving his L. Like he was confused by his own actions.

I'm such a mess today. I even cried a few times at work which I haven't done (I have missed a few days when really depressed). I don't know why. I was feeling ok, then I guess hope happened and now I feel hopeless again.

I know you say to look at the positives, but I guess I need to get GALing and prepare to get out of my house. I see it needing to be somewhat packed up soon.