Ive been secretly holding out hope that because waw wasn't moving things out of our house, that she was maybe thinking about coming back. It's what happened the first time.
When we reconciled, I told her that her moving all her stuff out of my house, would have been symbolic that we were over. She said she knew that and that's why she didn't come get everything.
I spent the weekend at my parents house and stopped by our house after work today. D8's room is completely cleaned out. I felt like I'd been sucker punched. It knocked the wind out of me.
I guess it's real this time. I drove back to my parents house a MESS.
I'd been holding out hope that WAW would see that being apart from me, wasn't the answer. That she would miss me too much. She would realize that I'm the guy for her. Clearly that's not the case.
This feels like another bomb. I stupidly held on to hope and now I'm paying for it.
The finality of it stings so bad. All the memories come flooding back.
Oh, Thornton, I am so very sorry. My H has some meaningless stuff here at the house and when he takes it I will be devastated. I have hope for the stupidest reasons, too. How can you not hold out hope for a second chance to do your relationship right?! It seems like it happened so fast in your case. I am so glad you are going to your parents. Can you get an appointment with your IC? I don't know what else to say except it is so unfair and I am thinking of you ((Hugs))
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I want to delete her family from FB. Delete all her pics and make her regret her decision.
I won't act on my emotion, I know it won't serve me well.
I feel so taken advantage of by her.
While I saved for our house, she was living a double life and drinking again. She went into this huge step in our lives with a secret. I was all in and excited for our family.
I think about it and wonder why I'm not extremely angry. Why can't I get mad about this? She did me wrong.
And then once we moved in, she starts acting like an ass and picking fights. I stupidly took the bait and fought with her. She then used that as a reason to leave me.
Maybe I'm just sucker for a pretty smile and an I love you, I don't know.
I feel so betrayed....
I want to get pissed off. I want to be so successful that she regrets this one day. I hate feeling like this, I really don't want revenge. I don't know what the hell I want anymore.
One thing that WAW always told me was that she was different than other girls. I know that's script, but with her I believed it. She treated me differently. I trusted her. Imso mad at myself for being so gullible.
It's because you love her with everything you have Thor. Get angry and let it pass through, just don't take revenge. Leave that to the universe. I know you're hurting and it burns. I'm so sorry but we are all here walking with you through it.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
I'm tired of it though. I want to change. I wanted to change last time too. I thought I was taking the right steps but apparently I failed.
No, you didn't "fail"...
What you did do, however...
Is that you let your hope override your sense of self. You yearned so badly to define yourself by what is on your ring finger, that you CHOSE to fall back into the Co-Dependent behaviors of your past.
You stopped working on, and fostering yourself, and basically sold yourself for the sake of the relationship...
So no, you didn't fail, you just stopped. So dust off Cowboy, and get back on your own horse...
Originally Posted By: Thornton
Everything DB teaches makes perfect sense to me, logically. When I think about it, it's a no brainer.
No Brainer ? Well then you have the right person for the job then huh ?
Just kidding buddy
Originally Posted By: Thornton
Logically, it doesn't make sense why I let her or our R define me. I thought I was loving her. I always thought of myself as a provider. Someone to protect the family. The family guy. Provide a good example for the kids. Teach them right from wrong. Bolster their self esteem. Put my family before myself. That was the definition of Thornton.
And it all comes so naturally for me that I don't realize that I'm abandoning myself. Who's taking care of Thorn? Certainly not me. I'm too busy taking care of everyone else.
But there's a pride in doing that stuff, Mach. I feel good about myself when I know I'm taking care of Waw and the kids.
Clearly, somethings not working.
Remember all of the posting with Spartan, about obligation vs. love ??
All of those questions he was asking you ??
Men, by nature, are providers and fixers. Not unlike what you describe, and I could find 50 guys posting here that would/could say the same things.
So while we guys are providing, and fixing. We tend to forget about providing the thing that most matters to our better halves....the emotional nurturing....
AND....we often forget about the person that matters most....ourselves....
So I would say....that what isn't working, is you focusing on you.
Not her, not the relationship....
You...
This post is amazing. Thornton, I know you've popped into my thread. I haven't been able to read all of yours, but have read the last half of this thread. We have some serious similarities. I also put my family and my wife first. I stopped hobbies because they didn't fit with the hours of a "family man." The advice given here really rings true. We need to find ourselves.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Thorn, I just caught the most recent events of your sitch. I'm sure this hurts like hell. You're strong. Let yourself feel the emotions and then get productive. Do you exercise? Go push your self on a good run.
No matter the outcome you will come out of this a better man.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
