Today I ran errands with the kids this morning and took them out to lunch. I had fun going out with just them.
When W got home from work this afternoon she asked if I wanted to have dinner together. Her parents had offered to watch the kids. (Her parents don't know anything about what's going on with us...)
I agreed to go to dinner. I can't lie, I had expectations and was disappointed. It seemed out of character for her to ask to spend time together and I started looking into what it could mean.
We got along great... good casual conversations. At one point she asked if there was anything I wanted to say related to the relationship. I let her know there wasn't anything new to say. She said she didn't have anything to say either. She commented that it was nice to just "hang out" without it being weird or difficult between us.
To me it felt like dinner with a friend... she made no indication that it was anything otherwise.
I don't really know how to handle this going forward. I have no interest in being friends and I don't want to hang out as friends that happen to have kids together. I don't know what to do.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
This all sounds too familiar. It is really some cloudy thinking of our W to think we would want to be friends after being told we're not wanted. Come on!
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
This all sounds too familiar. It is really some cloudy thinking of our W to think we would want to be friends after being told we're not wanted. Come on!
I'm debating letting her know remaining friends wouldn't happen. I know myself too well; I wouldn't be able to move past her. I would have to keep all communication related to the kids only. Should I tell her?
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
If it comes up I would let her know that you have no interest in just being her friend. You would be friendly for the kids sake, but you want to be her H. I wouldn't say anything about you not being able to move past her.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
She continues to do "normal things" like having dinner on the table and packing my lunch for work. Last night I gave the kids a bath. After I put S1.5 to bed we played a game together with S4.5. It was bittersweet playing together as a family...
After I put S4.5 to bed I went for a long run. Nearly 2.5 miles! I felt great afterwards. I'm one of those that rarely exercises. I need to find a way to fit it into the schedule more often.
I felt mostly ignored by her after the kids went to bed. I've also noticed she seems to take things I say the wrong way. She misunderstands what I'm saying and frequently becomes frustrated. I then feel like I have to stop and explain what I really meant. It's weird...
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Sounds very familiar to my sitch. I think they are not liking us at the present time, so they are really defensive. Even about things that are benign. They get in a huff because they are mad at us for other things. My W acts the same way. Read my sitch. Cooks meals, seeks me out to tell me about her day, laughs looks for my eye contact when watching funny tv. It really is a mind-f***. Very hard line to walk between doing 180's and detachment. Keep up that running. I have been hitting the gym pretty hard and I'm no gym rat let me tell ya.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Sounds very familiar to my sitch. I think they are not liking us at the present time, so they are really defensive. Even about things that are benign. They get in a huff because they are mad at us for other things. My W acts the same way. Read my sitch. Cooks meals, seeks me out to tell me about her day, laughs looks for my eye contact when watching funny tv. It really is a mind-f***. Very hard line to walk between doing 180's and detachment. Keep up that running. I have been hitting the gym pretty hard and I'm no gym rat let me tell ya.
I should take a look at yours!
She sent me a message asking what I want for dinner. She said she's not interested in food or getting off the couch but she'd make something. I'm certain this means she has something to talk about tonight, probably separation. She pulls this indirect style of communication whenever something is up.
I'll try to focus on calm and validation. I don't know how she'd see separation working, but we don't have money for a rental and I'm not leaving the house per advise from a lawyer years ago. I'm told leaving can be seen as abandonment and lead to custody issues with the kids.
Wish me luck
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
I'm so angry right now. I got home and the house is an absolute mess. She told me she's depressed and spent all day on the couch. It looks like every possible kids' toy is thrown around. That annoys me but isn't what gets me angry.
She was dressed up more than normal. She had on perfume. She told me she was going out. I asked if she was going to do something fun. She said she didn't know and that she might go hang out with her best friend. It felt evasive. She had seemed honest until this point.
It took every bit of will power to not yell that I'm done with this BS and tell her to get out. I don't know if this means I'm checking out more than I thought or if it's just emotions.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Oh boy. More crap to deal with. Possibly your getting fed up. I do much better when I think of WAW and get angry. And although I did contribute mightily to my sitch, so the hell did she! There. Now I'm Piss@$!
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
I'm debating letting her know remaining friends wouldn't happen. I know myself too well; I wouldn't be able to move past her. I would have to keep all communication related to the kids only. Should I tell her?
Has she asked? If she hasn't then don't say anything, but be ready b/c most of the WW's want to be BFF'S with the man they don't respect or want as a H!
Anyone can be her friend. Only one will be her H.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
