Yes, Xh and I are not divorced, he has actually never asked for a divorce, told me he doesn't love me or uttered ILYBANILWY, simply drove away and acts as if everything is just fine.
He is engaged to OW and has lived with her since BD. The boys do not know he is engaged and i have only been told by friends not by XH.
I am working towards a legal separation with a lawyer which has proven difficult, as XH does not seem able to provide any information requested, Has stopped and started working with different lawyers and if he does provide information it is not accurate.
As a result the money from the sale of our marital home is sitting in a solicitors bank account untill our relationship property can be resolved, Ex took our only car and receives benefits from a company we owned together in a familytrust - which i was employed in part time prior to BD but have had no input into since BD as I am not a director. XH also has many other items removed from our marital home prior to it being sold that he denies having. The only thing he acknowledges having removed is some guns - even these were initially denied, but admitted to when I advised Xh i would need to inform the police as they were missing.
My solicitor is filling documents to settle our relationship property issues in court - a rather rare thing in NZ, but seems to be the only way to ensure XH actually provides the necessary information. My poor solicitor respects but does not understand at all my preference not to file for divorce at the same time I dont need or want to do that and assume that XH will file for Divorce when/if he decides to actually marry OW.
The boys are very very busy - meaning I am too. The one activity that they do that I have not been able to maintain is wakeboarding - competitivley - which in NZ is a very small circle of people. XH removed our boat (and a myriad of other things which he denies having to this day - but which the boys see when they spend time with him...) and arrives at random times to take the boys wakeboarding.
The boys have told me that although they do not like the situation and do not want to show support for the situation, they would do anything to go wakeboarding. I encourage them to talk with me about their feelings and offer support for them to go and try to be understanding when they return home happy/sad and usually a bit unpleasant after time doing what they love under circumstances they would rather not be in.
Xh has seen more of them in the last month than the last 2 years put together - all around wakeboarding and including OW. I do wonder if he is plucking up courage to mention the engagement.
Xh has not been to other activities/school things/birthdays/christmas in over 2 years - just wakeboarding. Actually, he has taken to competing in these events too - Wakeboarding fits his new persona which is somewhat more cool than we used to be
We have had a parenting plan drawn up which XH simply ignores. After 18 months of trying to engineer time together with their dad for them, i stepped back and acknowledged to myself that if he was not in the right brain space to arrange to be with them it was better not to force it. The boys live with me 100% of the time and XH lives 3 hours drive away.
I am not sure if it is the boys who need support in handling this new time together with their dad and OW, or me. My boundaries are rather non-existant as contact to date has been so minimal.
I dont need or want to do that and assume that XH will file for Divorce when/if he decides to actually marry OW.