There are tons of support groups out there. To me it sounded as though Red had some safety issues she was concern with. In that case there is a group in my area (but I think they may be national) called Women in Transition. The best part about them is they will file PFAs for women and the courts take it quite seriously coming from them. However, even if there is not one of those is Red's area or she is not really that fearful of what may happen, then there are groups for those who have been emotionally abused or separated/divorced. By the sounds of it Red needs to feel empowered again!
Red your sitch [censored] big time!! He just happens to be behind you while your driving and then calls you. Dear he called you to make sure you knew he was behind you. He did it to intimidate, scare or annoy you. Either way, it is not ok. He is talking to OW to get a reaction from you. NOT OK. While I cannot advise you as well as many others on this forum, IMHO you need to do something, a support group may be the second step after this forum. Please one of you vets have to have something a bit more insightful than I have.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
He rolled his eyes and said fine I won't do it again in a douchebag voice then shooed me away.
I used my serious voice. I hope he took me serious.
I wish he would LEAVE
All I can say is "wow"...he is very dismissive of you. I don't like that at all. If I were you, I would have said, "I will not be disrespected or dismissed. Shooing me away is not appropriate. Don't do that to me EVER. That sort of behavior stops right now."
Not too long ago, I had to set a firm boundary with my stepmother who displays some mild narcissistic traits. Mind you, she does not have NPD. After I laid down a certain boundary, she whined "After all I've done for you...all I do for you...blah blah." I stopped her cold by saying this: "Don't change the subject here. You understand me clearly? " I walked away.
After this discussion, I noticed that my stepmother is putting some effort to be respectful. She's a very, very difficult person to get along with and I have been firm and clear. Was it easy? No. However, this is necessary.
Same way with your H. It comes to self-respect. I don't let people behave or talk chit around me. Not ever. I don't let it fester in me. Simply speak up and address it.
He pushed my buttons until I snapped. Oddly when I got pissy and grumpy he tried making me smile which he made me smile and then that made me more annoyed. It was just weird. He came off as the sweet loving old him while I was annoyed. This is crap.
Let's take a step back and ask the important questions here.
Red, has H ever been physically or emotionally abusive to you at all? I hope I am not missing something here. From what I read here, H is just being a jerk and not respecting you which is why I suggested laying down boundaries and be assertive.
Maybe I missed something here....did not catch if H was abusive at all.
Being an a$$ is one thing, and being abusive is another. We would want to be clear here and not muddy the waters here.
This is what Red said about physical abuse: "Physically no.. Emotionally I feel like he is going to want to fight or put me down..OR want to be friends and hangout and I just don't know what I get to go home to."
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
V I have been reading up on the abuse and it made me cry. Really cry to have to admit I'm with someone who may not be physically abusive but in many other ways.
Isolation- barely having any friends and they all stopped trying because i never was able to do anything..also being a stay at home mom was so lonely.
Financially- no bank account..not allowed on his account. Only give x amount of money a month. He can buy and spend whatever but when I wanted something we had a we are spending too much money talk. Now I have to almost beg for money for gas and groceries and if I'm allowed to pay my bills such as my kohls card with his debit card.
Defining- his way or the high way is usually how it went
Sexually- If he wanted it I never said no, I could be asleep or sick or tired and he would bug me or pout until I said fiiiine okay. That or before he left the week before he was with holding or saying he was too tired..made me feel awful about myself. Almlst had to beg him to hug me.
Make up sex always after an argument even while separated. Once I even asked him if he gets horny when I cry since he always would have a boner or want sex after I am crying. Same day he told me he really wanted a divorce it was during sex. DURING.
Walking on eggshells.
Feelings dismissed. He would tell me I'm crazy and trying to connect dots but then I found out I'm not crazy. At once point I was on a mood stabalizer since I felt so down and crying and didnt know what I was soing wrong to ruin my marriage.
Monitors me at all times even separated.
Some stalking..sometimes he shows up at my moms or my house or places he knows I am. Hasnt done it lately but he sometimes has done it. Always randomly at times. Always unannounced.
Blaming level 5
Opposing level 5
Denial, lying, forgetting like level 10 can deny and lie to my face while holding me and not even have his heart rate weaver but the truth he has to tell me on the phone such as cheating..or something bad or serious.
Jokes sarcasm teasing level 10 while separated he made a joke about how i might weigh more then him but I'm not stronger then him. It broke my heart. Ive lost 30 lbs since then because it hurt me deep. He said it was a joke. I saw it as he thought I'm fat..even though I had already lost 60plus lbs at the time.
Covert aggressive manipulation level 6.. Its a new thing he has done since being separated.
Withholding level 7
From Red
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
