Ad hoc old post from very early in my journey, when I was getting to grips with level 1 abuse. I hadn't understood at that point this was all about control.
When H goes into verbal diarrhoea mode. I spent my time analysing it.
Spew- incoherent rubbish designed to put you on edge. response: STFU and walk away
Abusive spew: incoherent rubbish designed to put you on edge and insult response: STFU and walk away, next day correct boundary infringement
Rant- all of your "faults" that annoy them designed to control response- STFU and then validate " I can see why you might think that"
Abusive rant- designed to control and insult response- STFU and walk away, next day correct boundary infringement
Sulk- make you feel small for wrong doing response- STFU and ignore, act as if did not happen
Rail- designed to press your buttons keeps on about one issue, can even involve following you to the loo response- STFU and leave to go GAL
Disappear- designed to make you worry and apprehensive response- STFU detach and act as if all ok
Tantrum- no purpose whatsoever but feels good response- STFU and look surprised
Blame- design to shift responsibility response- validate and deflect if not responsible, if are responsible diffuse by accepting responsible then apologise then walk away
In all sitches detach and if necessary act confused. confused
A very early post, at this stage I was suffering from between 2 and 5 verbal abuse episodes a day
V
I hear you Vanilla. So did you D your H or did he D you? I filed, he did not respond to my filing. H disappeared to Italy with yet another OW (no 5 or 6) I called Maggotroni. He came back, haunted the village I live in, stalked a bit. Then threatened had his poisonous friend visit me.
I have asked the court baliff to serve.
I asked the court to chase.
He sincerely believes I'm being passive-aggressive.
He may or may not. It doesn't matter, what matters is what you think of you. He may think you eat 10 dozen chocolate Easter Eggs a day, or pick your nose every Tuesday. These guys are so addicted that they cant truly even know the day of the week.
Maybe even trying some DB ideas (detaching). Of course I recognize it's all about control for him. Whenever I try validation stuff he sees it as psycho babble BS. Remember, he's a trained counselor. There should probably be a "Spouses of counselors Anonymous" because its such a unique place to be!
I am getting to be the DB Queen. You have to when you live in crazy town.
Act confused = I'm stupid. =WTF you make no sense
But, whatever.
2-5 is about right.
I seriously prefer NC.
Hope you're well Vanilla.
Tired, overwhelmed with work.
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Its tiring to recover from this level of abuse. It was as bad as it gets, addiction and abuse. Then I read about brave DBers like Red and I almost feel I had it easy!
Stay well.
Are you 12 stepping yet?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
