Originally Posted By: Thornton
I wish I knew, Mach.

I'm tired of it though. I want to change. I wanted to change last time too. I thought I was taking the right steps but apparently I failed.


No, you didn't "fail"...

What you did do, however...

Is that you let your hope override your sense of self. You yearned so badly to define yourself by what is on your ring finger, that you CHOSE to fall back into the Co-Dependent behaviors of your past.

You stopped working on, and fostering yourself, and basically sold yourself for the sake of the relationship...

So no, you didn't fail, you just stopped. So dust off Cowboy, and get back on your own horse...

Originally Posted By: Thornton

Everything DB teaches makes perfect sense to me, logically. When I think about it, it's a no brainer.


No Brainer ? Well then you have the right person for the job then huh ?

Just kidding buddy smile




Originally Posted By: Thornton

Logically, it doesn't make sense why I let her or our R define me. I thought I was loving her. I always thought of myself as a provider. Someone to protect the family. The family guy. Provide a good example for the kids. Teach them right from wrong. Bolster their self esteem. Put my family before myself. That was the definition of Thornton.

And it all comes so naturally for me that I don't realize that I'm abandoning myself. Who's taking care of Thorn? Certainly not me. I'm too busy taking care of everyone else.

But there's a pride in doing that stuff, Mach. I feel good about myself when I know I'm taking care of Waw and the kids.

Clearly, somethings not working.


Remember all of the posting with Spartan, about obligation vs. love ??

All of those questions he was asking you ??

Men, by nature, are providers and fixers. Not unlike what you describe, and I could find 50 guys posting here that would/could say the same things.

So while we guys are providing, and fixing. We tend to forget about providing the thing that most matters to our better halves....the emotional nurturing....

AND....we often forget about the person that matters most....ourselves....

So I would say....that what isn't working, is you focusing on you.

Not her, not the relationship....

You...