New night(s)

[kyrie]

Ad hoc old post from very early in my journey, when I was getting to grips with level 1 abuse. I hadn't understood at that point this was all about control.

When H goes into verbal diarrhoea mode. I spent my time analysing it.

Spew- incoherent rubbish designed to put you on edge.
response: STFU and walk away

Abusive spew: incoherent rubbish designed to put you on edge and insult
response: STFU and walk away, next day correct boundary infringement

Rant- all of your "faults" that annoy them designed to control
response- STFU and then validate " I can see why you might think that"

Abusive rant- designed to control and insult
response- STFU and walk away, next day correct boundary infringement

Sulk- make you feel small for wrong doing
response- STFU and ignore, act as if did not happen

Rail- designed to press your buttons keeps on about one issue, can even involve following you to the loo
response- STFU and leave to go GAL

Disappear- designed to make you worry and apprehensive
response- STFU detach and act as if all ok

Tantrum- no purpose whatsoever but feels good
response- STFU and look surprised

Blame- design to shift responsibility
response- validate and deflect if not responsible, if are responsible diffuse by accepting responsible then apologise then walk away

In all sitches detach and if necessary act confused. confused

A very early post, at this stage I was suffering from between 2 and 5 verbal abuse episodes a day

V

I hear you Vanilla. So did you D your H or did he D you?

He sincerely believes I'm being passive-aggressive. Maybe even trying some DB ideas (detaching). Of course I recognize it's all about control for him. Whenever I try validation stuff he sees it as psycho babble BS. Remember, he's a trained counselor.
There should probably be a "Spouses of counselors Anonymous" because its such a unique place to be!
Act confused = I'm stupid. But, whatever.
2-5 is about right. Hope you're well Vanilla.