New night(s)

[kyrie]

I wouldn't reply to that. You need to enforce a boundary where you will not be dictated to or condescended to. If he does it, don't debate or explain how he's doing it, because he won't admit it, he'll make it your fault. YOU decide when the boundary is crossed, and if he does, you walk away and don't engage. He'll stamp and pout and use that as an example that you're unreasonable, but at some point he'll have to face the reality that you aren't there playing with him anymore. Take the batteries out of the 'Kyrie game' he keeps playing and let him go a week or a month and see that you're not responding when he tries to push your buttons. Keep moving forward with your life. At some point he'll have to decide if he wants to pull his $hit together and have a relationship with you or if he wants to keep pressing buttons that don't do anything as you fade from his life. But that only works if you do your part. So maybe you need to get tired enough of this circle to break your part of the dance. You'll get there.

Hi Zues,
Hope you're doing ok. It's so tough... he pushes one button - "I need you (not in those words)" but everything I do is unacceptable, which keeps me on his string. If I "don't play" then I'm being disobedient and unloving. So it's an unending cycle (passive aggressive much? But he accuses me of that when I don't play too!).

I feel like being explicit with him (though as you've said, he won't admit it):
"I'm happy and ok, not because things are good with us, but because things are good with me (he'll respond: its always all about you and what you want - whaaaa!). I'm ok because I'm not staying resentful and bitter. That was my mistake in the past - expecting you to make me happy, but I've learned that's not a good expectation. When we connect, it's great. When we don't, it's not great, but if I go into it without that expectation, I won't feel let down or bitter. No blame.

But that's a lot of "I" statements...and it WILL get turned into "it's all about you". Harumph.
And thanks for the responses - it really helps me not feel so alone sometimes.