Thats a good plan. If if asked where I was going I'll say places. I'm going to try. Hopefully he doesn't ask or bring it up. I'm feeling very blah and empty today. Went to breakfast with a friend. It was nice.
Maybe you should make a list of places you can go that you can readily respond with. That way if he asks you or is following you, then you can easily say you were headed to X. Then act AS IF that was the plan all along.
If he's following you around in his car, it really seems like it's time to get a move on V's advice about getting some protection. That's not healthy in any relationship.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
There is some techniques you can use called Steel Time and that is being non reactive as if you wear a steel armour which is stainless. Nothing sticks and it protects you.
The next technique is called grey rock,
Do not respond with any emotion when WH tries (but doesn't succeed) to provoke you. Keep in mind that because WH has poor values–he likely has no empathy and no remorse. WH knows that are upset by the level of your reaction–so don’t react as far as possible detach.
Practice not-reacting.
In order to go Grey Rock, when you must engage with WH only talk about boring things: cleaning, mundane day to day, mashed potatoes. Do not talk about anything that will make them jealous or in any way encourages them to react emotionally.
When WH tries to push your buttons (and he will), don’t react.
Don’t point out how hurt you are.
As far as you are concerned there is nothing interesting about you or your children, and if WH blames you for everything just agree. Smile and nod and get away. STFU and walk away fast. Smile and say must go get the dry cleaning, muck out the horses, scrub the patio, buy toilet paper, get my nails done.
Protect yourself not only don't prod the rabid dog but feed it junk of its own.
If WH is stalking you then annotate, there are car cameras to record it. The recorder is your safety valve.
My WH has alternated between being gone so I have no idea where he is and visiting the big house, the office, sending his 'poisonous friend' over. Hacking and destroying data and phones and ipods. He has been threatened with another non mol order and will take me to the cleaners if I live with someone.
He has said, he can have me disappeared and 'trust me, no one will know".
I have been to victim support and made reports, attended abuse recovery programs.
I am grey rock over and over. Nothing to watch, only work and ordinary every day GAL, I keep on the move, no FB, no internet presence. Stayed overweight and frumpy. Booooring.
I don't think he has found this site.
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What you are describing is called the Sweet Cycle (Vs terminology) idealisation (loving intensely), then devaluation and finally discard. Over and over. Those who use this are so insecure they sometimes have two or more partners in different stages of the cycle. Sometimes called Triangulation.
I am more than ever convinced that your WH shows systematic personality based abuse patterns with you.
Take extra care.
You are doing so much better than I did. It took me 6 months from Spell Break to the stage that you are.
You can read Zelda's thread or mine to see this in action.
Just because you know and can't unknow doesn't mean that abuse stops.
Know this, it isn't your fault. You were a target.
Hugs stay safe
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
He called me to tell me he was behind me and it was so s3 could talk to me. I was like ok. He brought it up himself..randomly. Then said because I was ignoring him he was too angry to remember what he needed.
I got a text saying I'm getting a nasty a habit of ignoring his effin calls and it is super annoying and getting really old.
Still have not gone home.
I think I go to and from spell break. I know how he is. I know he is abusive. I know I still want him but also deserve more.
Physically no.. Emotionally I feel like he is going to want to fight or put me down..OR want to be friends and hangout and I just don't know what I get to go home to.
I know when he leaveshe is going to the OW house too so that stinks knowing .
Hey Red don't beat yourself up, we all have issues here. Sad thing is the ones we are writing about seem to have more issues than we do. You keep doing you and working on you.
I really like the gray rock idea and the car camera idea. As a lawyer, I would love to video of spouse or x following the other in what we call protection from abuse cases. Certainly would help. If you are worried during exchanges pic a place with cameras outside. Walmart parking lots are good.
Also please consider a support group.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
I came home went into my bed and laid down. He is playing video games ignoring me. Better then nothing. He has music blaring, laughing with his friends on the headset.
He is on the phone with the OW now and it is making me so upset he is talking so loud I CAN HEAR DOWN THE HALL.
If I were you, I'd nip it in the bud by putting on my best 'don't mess with me' voice and say, "H, we need to talk. It is completely unacceptable for you to speak with OW in my house. This is a very disrespectful thing to do in front of me and it is not okay. Under no circumstances are you to contact, speak with OW in, near, or around the house. Am I clear?! Thank you."
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