I'm tired of it though. I want to change. I wanted to change last time too. I thought I was taking the right steps but apparently I failed.
Everything DB teaches makes perfect sense to me, logically. When I think about it, it's a no brainer.
Applying it is where I fail.
As you know, fear is my biggest enemy. It always has been since I was a kid. That's why I read what you wrote me over and over and over again hoping that it will stick.
Logically, it doesn't make sense why I let her or our R define me. I thought I was loving her. I always thought of myself as a provider. Someone to protect the family. The family guy. Provide a good example for the kids. Teach them right from wrong. Bolster their self esteem. Put my family before myself. That was the definition of Thornton.
And it all comes so naturally for me that I don't realize that I'm abandoning myself. Who's taking care of Thorn? Certainly not me. I'm too busy taking care of everyone else.
But there's a pride in doing that stuff, Mach. I feel good about myself when I know I'm taking care of Waw and the kids.
