Hey Red don't beat yourself up, we all have issues here. Sad thing is the ones we are writing about seem to have more issues than we do. You keep doing you and working on you.
I really like the gray rock idea and the car camera idea. As a lawyer, I would love to video of spouse or x following the other in what we call protection from abuse cases. Certainly would help. If you are worried during exchanges pic a place with cameras outside. Walmart parking lots are good.
Also please consider a support group.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16