Attracting back your H by detaching when he thinks you have changed and then going back on it will send him running to the hills. its inauthentic, consider real change on this.
It is false pretenses. If you have no intention of staying detached then I think this cycle will repeat.
V
I was thinking similarly to what you seemed to be thinking: that the detaching was "temporary" and that, if we were blessed enough to get a second chance with our WAS, then we could "reattach".
Vanilla, I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling right now b/c I know I am and have been fighting my need to control situations and especially my H. I controlled him for a good portion of our M and b/c he's a nice guy, a people pleaser, he went along with it. I knew I was doing it, and it's been a very tough pill to swallow. Knowing that I messed up a good thing and some other woman who know how to treat a man will benefit from my H's good nature. So that's one part of it. Another part is that I don't know how to have a warm and loving relationship without feeling the need to steer in the way that I think is best. You've illustrated an entirely other layer to me about detachment that I wasn't aware of and I'm very confused as to how I can be a confident partner in any relationship (M, friends, leader, co-worker, etc.) without needing to control/manipulate the situation to make the outcome work in my favor.
Broke, you and I are extremely similar and I am trying to get it into my head that detaching is actually a healthy way of interacting with people. I'm trying to wrap my head around the difference between detaching and "reattaching". I'm trying to process what it means to be attached but detached. To love and offer support and nurture a relationship without feeling the need to police it at all times. I literally cant understand how a healthy couple would remain detached from each other or interact in a detached way. Is there another word for this? Or an illustration of what that looks like in a healthy partnership?
Free will. Yes free will. And I do care about H's views. I guess I didn't before, that's why he felt dismissed, neglected and not supported. I'm just so sorry I didn't realize sooner. I tried to orchestrate the show. He always said, "You always get your way, B. It's been your way this entire time." God, why didn't I listen when I had the chance.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
