WAW online EA and maybe MLC

[Squiggy]

Seems life has been busy for me lately. Sorry it took so long, bud, but I'm all caught up now.

sandi is giving you solid advice. You really need to listen to her. I truly valued all the advice she gave me during my time here. I'm going to give you advice from the other side of the fence from her based on my experience as a former LBH. You'll see that they match pretty closely.

1. Your W is having an affair. I don't care what type, because she is infatuated OM. It changes the game. Emotions and rational thought are inversely proportional. Think on that and what it implies.

2. You need to stop doing or thinking about doing things to gain a reaction from her. Even with the best intentions this is you trying to control the situation and pursuing. You might as well go and smack your head repeatedly against a brick wall. They are being noticed. I learned, after all was said and done, that the content of W's FB page changed in reflection to the changes I made, the things I said. All of a sudden there were those stupid picture sayings about infatuation and how it is unhealthy or about losing something important....

3. Find something(s) to live for that is separate from your W, then start doing it. It could be your kids, your job, a new project, a new hobby. Whatever it is, do it. And do it without concern about whether or not your WW knows about it. For me I went extra hard at the bike riding, really focused on being the best father I could be, got the house in a better condition than it has been in 8 years, etc. These absorbed my time and, most importantly, were for ME.

4. Set those L-informed boundaries. I mentioned not being a wet noodle before. I'm going to reinforce that here. Be a man and set enforceable boundaries that establish respect. Right now your WW is cake eating, and you seem to be a waffling wet noodle on these. Just like others here have said, get the best advice you can from multiple Ls and then put them in place. Remember to only set boundaries around things that truly matter. Otherwise you are punishing.

My first boundary with W was informing her I would not live in an open marriage and that decisions were going to be made. The second was I filed for D to protect my son from being thrown in the middle of the A so much, which was L-informed. My third was cutting off the joint car insurance and cell phone, which was L-informed.

Not saying these are your boundaries. And I don't want you to mimic mine, because everything is sitch specific. Setting those boundaries didn't necessarily feel good, but they did command (read the difference between commanding and demanding) respect.

4. Make changes for yourself and truly own that they are for YOU and not her. You, my good man, are still struggling with co-dependence. You were a person before her and should've been one with her (like the rest of us). Time to get back to you, but an even better version of you.

I've railed enough at you It's long since I don't know the next time I can hop on.

You've got some work to do with some big decisions to make. Keep your venting and thoughts here and show her nothing but action.