B's Bootcamp v3

[RosaLinda]

Edit - Fixed Link - Cadet

oh Cadet, thanks for fixing that link for Sandi's Reflections thread. I guess I'm not very technological Yes, B, it was the same thread you already read. Sort of upsetting, made me wonder WHY my ex lost all respect for me. Probably had something to do with enabling him. Something else for me to work on.

Vanilla, I'm wondering how this online AA mentoring will work too. Will you guys start a private thread?

Also...I finally did something yesterday that was just simply 100% pure unadulterated me GAL for me. I went to a meet-up for artists and made a 'monoprint'. Oil painting on glass, then press the paper on to that and get the reverse image as the print. My 'art' was less than great...but I had fun doing it, and it was nice to just sit and be creative and not really think about anything else.

That sounds SO fun! My new guy's daughter and I want to go to something like that -- I think it would be a blast! I'm not too sure my "front image" would be very good, let alone trying to figure out how the negative of a painting would look, but it sounds fun!

No problem about not wanting to fully explain the B in Bfice, I understand the need for anonymity. My ex did not give a fig what I did, but a lot of people on here have spouses who stalk them. It always seemed so strange to me, to throw your spouse and marriage out the window, but then continue to spy on them? My real name is Linda, Queen RosaLinda was the name I always used when I used to play Civilization with my kids Dropped the "Queen" on the forum here, but you may address me as Your Majesty any time you want LOL

I still keep having this desire to tell my WW that I know more about her affair than she realizes. I need someone to explain to me why I really just shouldn't.

Didn't you already tell your wife that you know she had an affair? And she already lied and said it wasn't true? If you confront your wife that you now have proof that you know she was lying, and had an actual physical affair, she will get just get angry and defensive and lie. That's human nature, and cheating wife nature too. When I told my ex I knew about his affair, he denied it, so I handed him copies I had made of his emails. He threw them into the fire, continued to deny it, and started yelling at me for breaching his privacy and changed his password.

What do you hope to accomplish by telling her?

I think, as you live in a state where adultery can be an issue in deciding alimony and custody, that you should let your lawyer know about this "ace-in-the-hole" and give him or her your proof.

When the time comes to rebuild your marriage, it should not be built on a lie. But none of us see that happening anytime soon. I just don't think telling her right now will accomplish anything besides more spewing and lies, don't see her becoming overcome with remorse or guilt or anything like that and "snapping out of it." Maybe someone else will have better advice.

Congratulations on your new apartment! On this custody stuff

But my WW simply is holding strong to her position that not only is she not going to agree to the week by week rotation...she still fully believes that the kids should be 100% with her. So...how hard do I push on this?

I mean...I'm asking around and looking to see which lawyer I feel most comfortable with and get a good recommendation from some people I know. I'll get them to form a separation agreement proposal...but...what happens when she simply rejects it? Knowing her, I expect her to go to her lawyer and get one that says the exact opposite which I will never agree to. What then? Will I just be spending money on a lawyer to make us all more angry with no real resolution or positive coming from it?

This is divorce B. Yes, you will be spending money on a lawyer and making her more angry with no immediate resolution or positive. That is what happens. The parties make and reject each other's proposals.

Stand your ground and do what is best for you and your kids. You might ask her if she'd like to try a mediator first, but in the end, if you cannot agree, a judge will decide what is best for your kids. Get a lawyer now B. And give him or her your ace-in-the-hole proof of adultery and be honest about your drinking and attending AA, as your wife probably sees that as her ace-in-the-hole.