As its been a couple of days since I updated, figured it I was due a little journaling.
Friday night and Saturday morning I completed the ground course for the nearby climbing wall, was something I had planned to do as a family and as a couple but have completed it as something to do with my son. Have been trying to work out if it is something I should include her in but think I will wait and see what she does first. She will find out about it soon enough through our son I'm sure. During the course met some another family and have plans to meet them to climb together occasionally. Also did some shopping and got a few new clothes, training has been going well and was able to buy Medium shirts for the first time in awhile, felt really good.
W was curious as to where I was going but didn't say to her what I was doing. Saturday night, she went out for a couple of hours to meet a girlfriend. Was telling me who and where she would be... I didn't ask, nor was I around when she got home.
Sunday, we had a day all together as a family, could have been like any family day out in our past except I knew I couldn't show any affection towards her. D3 had an accident when she fell off the swing, W froze in shock which is normally not her character. She admitted this later and is still noticeable how distracted she is. Got home and she lay in bed with D, but stayed there even when D got up. Once the kids were in bed, she went to her room and closed the door.
I'm on a course at work this week so W needs to drop off the kids and pick them up, I get more training done as I use the bicycle everyday. Last night, again as the kids went to bed she went to her room and closed the door. Headed to the gym but when I got back W is sick with a gastro. This is where I find it difficult to know what to do as my natural instinct is to look after her but she has said she doesn't want to be with me. Trying to work out the balance between being the real me and letting her fend for herself and suck it up. This morning I had to leave early so she needed to get the kids to school/daycare even though she was in the bathroom when I left. I haven't contacted her today to see if she managed it. This is the life of a single parent, the life she says she wants, I feel she needs to experience it all to really understand, even though I looked after my D also during the night so she didn't.
The other part I struggle to understand is that she hasn't tried to talk about the things she wants to take or the joint belongings she wants to separate out, there has been no talk of her apartment or her leaving in over a week. She was so sure she wanted this a few weeks ago, I expected her to be more assertive in her plans, rather than shutting herself away most nights and not dealing with it. I have been the one that has set some things out as to what will be happening when she leaves.
Also found it a bit of strange timing that I heard from both my brothers in law this past week, haven't heard from either of them since before Christmas.
Anyways, will keep moving forward with me and look after my kids as best I can.
