Hanging in there with hope

[broke]

Agree with Thornton. I think the DR book says you could scare him away if you move too fast. Also, my counselor says it may take multiple times to really finalize a break up of an affair. You want to make sure it is completely over before you start reconciling according to the boundaries stated above. Let him have the space he needs. Good luck

[Tamjakr]

I will try. He works with this person so my fear is he'll get back together with her and I'll be back at square one heartbroken again.

[Tamjakr]

Thank you! This is the third time she has removed her things from his house so I hope this is it.

[broke]

I hope so, too! Keep us posted - hopeful for you.

[Tamjakr]

Thank you! I'm going to try so hard not to text or call first (which is the hardest thing for me) and if he calls I won't bring up R talk cuz I know he doesn't want to here about it right now. Hard, hard, hard but I gotta be strong!

[Sotto]

Hi Tam, it's promising if the A seems to be cooling off - but who knows how this will pan out and I would encourage you to keep moving forward with your life and plans. Yes you can 'wait' in a sense - but please keep the forward momentum - ideally without too much looking over your shoulder.

Also, I still sense you would be so grateful for him to want to return, you would make it easy for him. I would encourage you to have a think about the post I copied from Wonka and consider your own non-negotiables. If he rang you tomorrow and said - OW's out of the picture and I want 'us' back - what would your response be?

[Tamjakr]

I need to move forward with no expectations. I will have conditions if he wants to reconcile. I think dbing said not to put a time limit on things. I wanna say-"decide by Friday what you want" but that would just push him away correct?

[tkdmme]

Yes it would just push him farther away. Speaking from my experience, anything you do to put any pressure on him at all will only result in him shutting down even more.
I haven't read your situation yet but it seems that all of us are in a similar predicament.
I did all the wrong things and it pushed my wife right out the door. At this point it doesn't matter who is right and who is wrong. It only matters that you do the right things now.

[Tamjakr]

He has been so wishy washy. Last week saying all good things and this week ( after ow breakup) it's things like " I need time and space", "I'm attracted to you and will always love you but not sure about my feelings". I'm just fed up and angry and I do believe after our convo last nt I've pushed him further away. So here's to day 1 (another one) of hardcore divorce busting and acting as if he's never coming back which very well may be the case. I'm so tired...

[Sotto]

Hi Tam, I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds as though he is still pretty conflicted. I just read this post from vet Mach1 on Thornton's thread. I'm pleased to see Mach1 posting again and his advice is dynamite....here it is.

Originally Posted By: Thornton
So I have a confession to make...

Ive been secretly holding out hope that because waw wasn't moving things out of our house, that she was maybe thinking about coming back. It's what happened the first time.

When we reconciled, I told her that her moving all her stuff out of my house, would have been symbolic that we were over. She said she knew that and that's why she didn't come get everything.

I spent the weekend at my parents house and stopped by our house after work today. D8's room is completely cleaned out. I felt like I'd been sucker punched. It knocked the wind out of me.

I guess it's real this time. I drove back to my parents house a MESS.

I'd been holding out hope that WAW would see that being apart from me, wasn't the answer. That she would miss me too much. She would realize that I'm the guy for her. Clearly that's not the case.

This feels like another bomb. I stupidly held on to hope and now I'm paying for it.

The finality of it stings so bad. All the memories come flooding back.

I feel heartbroken all over again.

And from Mach 1

Really ??? .......... bonehead

Truth is...

You are looking for a sign from her, some sort of scrap so that you can keep holding on, or having hope....

Hope comes from the inside of yourself, not from some external sign from the Pope, or Bigfoot...

"Oh, if she picks her left nostril, she still loves me"

It doesn't work that way...

And when you try to make it work that way, all it is, is you giving yourself permission to just sit around and wait on her, watch what she does, FB stalk her....

So what if she picks her left nostril ??

How does that affect YOU, and your chance to find yourself ?

So what if she is giving the Geico Caveman a bikini wax today ??

How should that affect any work that you NEED to do for yourself ??

You have to stop holding her accountable, for the choices that you are making.

Hope....

That comes from inside of you buddy, nobody else can give you that, nor can anyone take that away from you...

Be the superstar of your own ending..

Hope this helps Tam xx