I Think it's Way Too Late

[TimR]

1313, I don't know how you do it??? I am sorry for your circumstances, this is harder than anything I have ever faced and I am not yet dealing with the legal issues. I an dreading this more than I am afraid of death. But we must go on! We are going to have our up days and low days but the lows will get less often and not as severe. If you are not involved in counseling you should consider it.

As far as the material items, they are just that material items. Those items do not define you. You are more than anything material, you are you and is a great person capable of great compassion and love. Listen, I am Catholic but certainly not a good one. I am also not a holy roller who pushes religion on people but consider this, Jesus had nothing material and still loved. Ghandi gave up everything for his love.

We both need to buck up put our big boy pants on and trudge through this sh!t. Time is on our side and we can stronger for ourselves!

[1313]

TimR,
I've considered this a message from God to get back into the fold. Message received and understood.

What's mind blowing is that the W was a good Christian, and turned her back on her Church and her beliefs about a year ago. At first I didn't ask or push it - but now I know why she left. Everything makes sense in retrospect. Her parents can't believe it, but she's made her choice. I on the other hand have no place to turn, except to put myself into the hands of Jesus. He'll take me just as I am.

Certainly, possessions are just things. But some of those things I really love - and have brought me great joy. There's something about aArt, when it has no dollar value to you any longer, rather it's priceless in the happiness it brings you and others. One of these pieces in particular represents both of us, and the sacrifices I made to acquire it. We literally designed a niche over the fireplace for it. It will sell in a heartbeat, because there's only a few of them in existence. That hurts. Things like cars, motorcycles, electronics - meh. Those can be replaced. The art cannot and I will never see anything like them again.

The house also hurts, because I designed so much of it, worked on so much of it and now it's nothing. Another thing that hurts is it's "D's house". My little dog, who died of cancer - I worked so hard to keep her alive and happy and healthy. A thread by itself. The weekend she died (the W did some very selfish things that weekend) I brought her home and carrying her up the front steps I could see her looking at the house and remembering- I could see the gears turning - and knowing this was where she belonged. I'm tearing up right now.

Yes, I resent my W for doing all of this. All of this for reasons I'll never fully understand. But on the surface they appear incredibly shallow. This is going to leave a huge void - and I know I'll move on but I'll never fully recover. If I can somehow leverage one of the properties for that house I'll do it - but I know she'll fight me every step of the way.

[1313]

Email saga finale.

Oh yeah, you know what?

The assistant put me through all of that for no reason in particular.

You've got it.

She didn't need the password, she didn't need it changed. At least not in the grand scheme of things. It was a momentary convenience. She has an entirely new email account. I think she wanted like 1 email and it was easier to put me through that sort of grief, and all that time on the phone with tech support than to ask the person to resend the message.

So she had a fully functional email the day she was haranguing me.

I am so done.

[TimR]

Just breath... I has been a bad day. Make sure to do something for you to take your mind off it.

Remember the WW will strike at the most inconvenient times just to get the reaction she wants which is us angry, depressed or fighting. When that doesn't work she will probably throw you some crumbs to check on you. At this stage she is all about herself and what she wants. I would suggest you not answer anything from her or her assistant right now. Maybe there is a vet who could give better instruction, but that would be my suggestion.

I am pulling for you buddy.

[1313]

Hi TimR,
actually she doesn't even bother to throw me crumbs or temp check.

I haven't been contacted at all by the assistant - I think that's all over to tell you the truth. There's almost no reason at this point for them to contact me. They have a new PC, changed the assistant's email address, so anything that would be deemed "my fault" has been taken out of the equation.

I think the W disconnected from me a long, long time ago. She's now doing damage in other ways.

Now, she's going after all the friends. She knows I haven't and wouldn't contact any of them. So, I'm the jerk who she needs to get away from.

One of the things that really gets me is that I was going to ask her old Real Estate coach and mentor if I could take classes from her. The W and her had a falling out a year ago (a lot of stuff happened a year ago). As a result, I stopped seeing her H and friend, who has Parkinson's.

So with them being separated, I figured I could ask to do the coaching (and pay of course). Now I find out that all of a sudden, the W got together with her and they've made up - and she's going to the class I was going to go to this Thursday.

Of course, the W knew I was getting my license, and in order to take myself to the next level would need these classes. Voila! Instant reunion.

I couldn't help myself - and did what I haven't done in weeks and checked her email. Sure enough, I'm a bad guy, she's doing what she needs to do to move forward - and "trying" to keep things out of the gutter. She eluded to a lot of other things that aren't happening - such as fighting over the dog. No, I haven't been allowed to see the dog, there's no fighting.

At this point I'm feeling like I've got to fight back. This is possibly effecting my livelihood.

The coach and her family are devout Mormons. I so feel like emailing her and telling her that the W has been in an affair for a year, the money you gave her to go to Italy helped her meet this guy over there, she never had any desire to work things out, I've been locked out of the house, not allowed to see my dog, and this woman even took pearls from my aged Mother for Christmas even as she had retained an attorney to file for divorce - even saying she was going to try to take my Mother's home!

Yeah, that would kill it. But you know what? I'm don't think there's any chance at all anyway. I'm tired of being a nice guy. I'm tired of being used and abused. And now, after all this they're back together - and I skipped a year with somebody I miss, who doesn't have much longer with a debilitating disease. All to stick up for a W who would shove a knife in my back "just because".

Man, it's confusing. But I'm starting to think I've really got nothing to lose at all. It's already lost. At the very least, I could make her half as uncomfortable as she's made me. Once she's at the real estate classes, everybody else I know is going to hear her side - which isn't even half truthful. At least if they know she's having an affair, they can make a more educated decision even if the still side with her. And, they probably will since she's going to be there and I'm not. She saw to that.

[1313]

BTW, I got into the house today. I saw our handyman and he saw me as I was driving over - and the guy who I got all this business has obviously been "warned" and I saw him quickly pull over and stop to watch me. (he's there painting the house a different color - does it ever stop?)

So, I continued driving - went around the block and back to my Mother's house. I returned a while later, and let myself in. I grabbed a few art supplies I forgot the last time, and still forgot a book as I was nervous at being in my own house. I could see my niece calling the police on me because who knows what she's been told. I'll go back tomorrow and get the name of one of the artists I can't remember for the assets list, and hopefully change one of the deadbolts to make entry a little faster/easier.

I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired.

[TimR]

I cannot say for sure what the books would even say about this. Maybe read "no more mr. nice guy" which I downloaded for free but have not got to read yet. It is on my list. But also try and consult with Sandi because to an extent I think I would think about tough love. I feel so bad for you but I am sure you can make it through this. Time is always our friend. I told you I was stationed in CA when I was in the Navy. If you asked me today you would think I had the time of my life, however if you asked me then I would have told you how miserable I was. Yes it is not the same, because I have never felt pain like this but I can tell you while the pain will never go away it will get better. Time will heal the wounds to scars and you will love again.

[1313]

Thanks Tim, I really appreciate your words of encouragement, and I mean it.

I got the kindle version of NMMNG, but pretty much just started it myself. At least at the moment I can relate to some of what he's saying, other things not so much. Still I'm sure there's going to be some nuggets in there.

I'm pretty sure that from here on out I will have no more communication with the W or her assistant. They've gotten what they want out of me and for the moment I can't think of a thing that would prompt her to reach out.

She's got the friends, she's got the house, the possessions and she's got my dog. I've stopped seeing the in-laws which really kills me. The MIL came by a couple of days ago, but I left her to talk with my Mother. But if it really is over - then I'm not seeing much reason to continue cutting off the IL's.

The lack of friends right now is pretty rough. I've not reached out to many, others have dropped off the grid so it's hard to tell if it's that they don't know how to react or have sided with the W. What really kills me is the W has her OM, and I don't even get the dog. I had her, and gave her back assuming we would share. That was more than a month ago. I do have her Sister though, in a little wooden box. I wasn't going to leave her there in that cold house, even though she loved it so much. Pretty pathetic, huh?

I'll certainly talk with a DB coach at least once before my next move - if there is one. Hard to believe that just a few weeks ago I thought there was some hope, and now - nothing.

[Painter]

Why are you not reaching out to friends? It sounds like you are predicting a bleak future but you're not doing much to prevent it from happening. Don't be a victim.

Why can't you take the class you need to take? Does nobody in the city teach it except Wks mentor?

[Painter]

Did you already read Divorce Remedy?