OH NO NO NO OMG HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! She is coming too, we are getting together for dinner. He wants closer on his ex and ask me how I'm doing etc.
It is though in my head a we hate her dinner date hangout.
My H is very angry with me today.
I left the house as soon as he got there. Did not want to answer his school questions, did not tell him why I was leaving so fast. I just said I haven't time to finish school yet, Ive been busy.
He then called me. I answered because he does have the kids.
H- what should I make for dinner.
Me- There is food in the deep freezer and regular freezer. Is that it?
H- what time are you coming back tomorrow??
Me- I do not know.
H- why do you not know? You are getting so annoying and pissing me off
Me-I'm sorry you find me annoying right now. I'm not trying to be. (Horrible validating I tried.)
H- you are so vague.. You do not tell me your plans..you left the house so fast. I need answers not i do not know. You need to give me answers! Does d5 have homework?
Me-yes it is on the kitchen table with her backpack
H- why did you leave so fast??!
Me- I am running late, I have plans.
H- you couldnt tell me that at the house?
Me- I can see your point H, I just was in a hurry. I will talk to you tomorrow.
H- maybe if you didnt run out so fast I would know this valuable info! What time will you be home tomorrow? Why are you rushing off the phone again. It is so [censored] annoying. WHY ARE YOU BEING SO WEIRD.
Me- That sounds frustrating H. I do not know my plans but I will say 3-4pm
H- why so late.. That is so late..why so late. What are you doing?!
Me- do you need me home at a certain time?
H- no but why do late usually younare here from 8-12!
Me- I might go to school, run errands, catch up with a friend. I do not know what time I'll be home but I can let you know tomorrow.
No he has never hit me at all. I'm very passive..do not like confrontation or upsetting anyone..but I do admit I am always afraid of making him mad or having him yell.
I think it is daddy issues, I hate when my dad yells at me and my H is starting to remind me of my dad. Abusive, alcoholic, cheater etc.
He called BACK and this time in a nicer mood.
2 missed calls and a please answer, it is about d5 school and homework.
Me: hello?
H: hey..sooo.where is the pencil box?
Me:( in my head same spot for 4 years) under the opening on the shelf in the living room. Is that all?
H: what happened to everything in the laundry room. You got rid of everything. Where did it go. Was it my stuff? Yeah that is all I need to know.
H: woah these colored pencils are cool, they twist did you know that?! When did we get these? What are you doing?
Me: I organized and cleaned it out, nothing of yours was touched,but I'm with my friends and busy and need to go now. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
H: oh well okay I guess bye.
I'm not answering anymore. I worry about my kids but holy moly I HAVE BEEN GONE 1.5 hrs.
Btw: he bought those colored pencils with me like 3 weeks ago for the kids.
Yeah, you need to tell him there is not need to talk anymore unless its an emergency.
No more questions about colored pencils, what to make the kids for dinner, why does a bear sh!t in the woods...
This is how he controls you. You need to tell him, Red. Tell him no more.
The only time he should call is if one of your kids is in the hospital. Or if he can't pick them up that day. THAT's IT!
He is no longer allowed to ask what you are doing, who you are with, why this, why that. He lost that right when he decided to cheat.
Until you stand up for yourself, I see ZERO chance of him coming back. I'm not trying to be mean, I just want you to see that unless you change the dynamic, he has ZERO reason to change.
I worry about you making him mad, too. Be careful please. No game playing. Just keep up the detaching. Keep calm and cool. Good work on being ready to leave right when he arrived. I hope you enjoy your dinner tonight!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Hi Red, chiming in after reading your threads. It seems like you're doing a really fine job of DBing (I'm taking notes from your phone convos and interactions). Keep it up! Your H is mad b/c you're not allowing him to control you. I'm moving in that direction myself, but very slowly and I wish I would've been that way when this all started. Nevertheless, I agree with broke: remain calm, cool and collected and be safe.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
(I wouldn't have managed to not tell H that 'annoying' was the least of his troubles, and not much to complain about compared to having to listen to endless, inane questions from a LYING, NARSISSISTIC CHEATER!
Don't do like me. It's not productive. I try to only have those conversations in my head while I shower, or while I scrub the kitchen sink so hard the glaze comes off...)
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Hey guys! Dinner was good..we felt better after..told him about our exs because he asked and he was like I knew it. He said he always got the vibe h liked ow in highschool. I'm like yeah I know everyone is telling me now.
GOT A TATTOO..I was a tad bit emotional and got a semi divorce tattoo. It is an arrow. Very girly and pretty on my side of foot. First tattoo.
An arrow has to be pulled back to be shot forward..so while life is pulling me back i kbow the best yet to come.
Regardless if we stay together..get a divorce..I know I will ALWAYS be okay and the best has yet to come.
Going to get color and my kids birthsays one day under it but now Im happy.
Hopefully do not regret it in the morning!!
Yes he gave me 2900$! Hey hey! Safety deposit box it is going into. Trying to get one tomorrow!
Also I do not think he will care if I tell him he can't ask what I'm doing. I have told him before and his answer is you are my wife! I need to be able to reach you! Keep your phone on at all times. What if I get hurt at work and they need you?!( he told me this while separated.)
How do I say it nicely and firmly without ignoring him??? Idk
