Ghost Busting Round Six - it's about me

[Vanilla]

Just offering a big hug

V

[Sotto]

I agree about trying to maintain the 50/50 if at all possible. You may have to 'cut your cloth' for now as many of us need to. Perhaps there is a housing/bedroom compromise with some sharing for a while?

I think the main thing is the love and security you provide for your kids. Whether that is in a smaller home or a bigger home is less important...

Xx

[rd500]

Hi G , how are you doing ?

[ATPeace]

So things seem to have settled at home

I have been in a better frame of mind

I have been thinking a lot about many things and the bottom line is everything is happening and I am unable to stop it.

My W tells me that for the past 8 months we have tried it my way and now we should try something different

My thoughts are yes we have tried in house separation however her mindset has been one of I am done with the marrage and i am not going to work on trying to make things better between us

So a question do I just agree now to stick the house in the market I can see that life is going to be so much more of a struggle but this is what she wants.

Another question is to do with her working she works nights and if we agree a 50-50 split with the child care this might involve me having the kids monday tuesday Wednesday and half of Thursday ...and she has them for the other days what happens when her job changes and then she needs to work lets say mon tues Wednesday and Thursday nights or even a five night job then she will want me to have the children the extra nights so she can go an earn some extra money or what if she decides that she also wants to go out clubbing in the 6 th night will she expect for me to have the children the 6th night as well and if I say no then she puts them with child care how am I going to feel then with my children being cared for by a stranger.

For the love of the children I still want to work this out but it is too far gone

It really is what it is

Sorry mainly venting but the question keep spinning arround I my head

Thanks for looking in

Ghost

[Fogg]

Stop worrying about what if this and what if that. You both will figure out the child care and if the kids go to a babysitter then they do. You can't control everything she does and you don't want to either. You state your needs in regards to the child care and so will she and you compromise on certain things. Either that or you can go through courts and have a set schedule to avoid having her walk over you. You do have a say in the way things are handled too.

Also, as far as the whole "I can see it's going to be a struggle" no ghost, now is the struggle. Is like your worried about moving closer to the equator because it will be hot but you ignore thr fact your living in hell right now. It will be better in so many ways, just trust you are strong enough, or will become strong enough, to handle it. You're still scared and thats understandable. This is going to be new for you just as it was for me. I spent a long time fearing being on my own but I recognized it would be good also. It's going to be lonely in some ways but trust me ghost, your going to find yourself and when you do your going to feel amazing. I have the grief and pain of what I did wrong in my M and I wish I could go back and change things but that's not how life works. We're all human and we all have made mistakes and we will all make more mistakes. You learn from these mistakes and move forward with your life.

[rd500]

Hi G. I agree with Fogg 100%. Look beyond wants happening right now your headIng for peace and a chance to grow Issues like the kids will be sorted , houses will be sorted and that's a fact. Worrying won't help

Stay strong. Rd

[ATPeace]

I sence that I am getting close to the end and I know some will say that it ended the day she dropped the bomb i do not think that she will to to mediation I believe that so much will need to be talked about. With regard to the child care.

This was the point that I was dreading the most solicitors have been instructed and I hope that she is as fair as she said she was going to be.

I am still very attached to her but have been gal for the past few weeks and have been trying to distance myself but as most know I have found this extremely difficult.

The reality of this is starting to sink in

I want to write her a letter But I am totally at a loss as to what I would say I doubt there is anything I could write that could possibly help or change anything in fact I know nothing will change things I just do not want to feel that I could have done something else .

She has been a part of my life for the last 26 years and not having her in my life will leave a massive empty hole.

I worry that I will not be a good enough dad

[ATPeace]

Rd fogg sandi and anyone else who has been on my thread thank you so much for staying with me I will get through this and I will come out the other side

I have been to the lowest points of my life and now I have to look to the future

I will keep posting

Change myself and learn from what has happend

Ghost

[vise82]

Hey AP,

Looks like we are near the same stage, house going on the market and working out who is going to look after the kids. You are not alone in this, I am going through it too. Time in house S is about the same too.

It is not fun but we can get through it. Its good you are at least looking into the child care issue and thinking about it. Ask you do that with the other things you will find solutions. Like your house, it needs to be sold, can you agree with that? If one person wants to sell you cant hold them back. So get to the next step of figuring out where your going to live. I think once you see your options with that you will feel better. You will find a new place to live. Once you find it or have an idea where your going to go you will start plan you life around that.

As sure as you woke up this morning you can do this!

[ATPeace]

Vise82

Thank you for checking in with me we are at the same stage I will post on your thread shortly but thank you for checking I with me

This is happening and you and I are very much in the same position and as has been said W is not about to change her mind over this.

My W has already told me that she will divorce me once the house has sold, she wants everything finalised .

My W has almost become a stranger..... again this is her choice in moving on with her life and moving away from me.

I still have her as a friend on facebook it is time for this to change some of the comments that she posts are clearly aimed at the breakdown of our m even tho she would say they are not time to unfriend her.

One of our friends has clearly decided that his loyalty is with her he has not contacted me in months but is commenting on her facebook posts I am very dissapointed in this as he is our children's God parent and thought he would remain true to both of us [censored] [censored]