Need help. Threading water, must learn to swim.

[broke]

I'm making tons of my own mistakes here, but isn't that one goal of GAL'ing? Don't you want the WAS to notice all the things you do without sitting at home pining away for them? I agree with rich, I say ignore.

[Tyler12]

Is she going to believe anything you tell her?

Is it worth getting into an argument over?

Does your GAL need to be approved by her?

Will it make anything better if she believes your going to support group?

Just some questions that came off the top of my head. If you answer yes to all then tell her. If not then let her think what she likes.

[G8r]

Thank you rich4j, broke and Tyler12. I tend to agree with all 3 of you. You are right. I want her to be thinking about me and she will likely continue to think and believe what she wants.

My only worry is that I feel like I'm being deceptive. Rather than a lie of commission, I feel as if this is a lie of omission. I guess sometimes I have the need to be more honest than I really need to be. I think my best option is to ignore her comments but tell her the truth if she ever decides to ask me rather than making up stories to help her justify leaving the marriage. Thank you!!!!

[TimR]

I agree I would let her wander and if in the future you have a civil/calm conversation with W, tell her the truth. But if she is hurling accusations at you, don't respond. How are you doing otherwise?

[1313]

Stay. I blew it. When I saw a confirmation that the W had L'd up and filed divorce - the very same day I found confirmation of the OM I snapped. I grabbed a bunch of clothes and left to try to collect myself.

To her, that meant I had moved out. She changed all the locks a week later.

She had been planning to move, but who knows how long that would have taken. There was a chance, no matter how slight something, anything might have started to work to turn it around.

Now, I have zero contact. The L's are between us. Attempting to implement any of the DR stuff will be hard - she'll never see it or hear about it.

Your situation sounds so very similar. There was no intimacy, and I assumed and believed her rather than understanding it was some sort of twisted "test". Just understand it's possible you've been set up for failure. At least in my case the W had been planning things much further back than I realized.

Perhaps if I'd have pursued her when she moved out of the MBR things would have turned around, but perhaps not. Sadly, I'll never know.

Sandi has some great insights into WW's, unfortunately they're all pretty ugly.

[G8r]

Thank you for stopping by TimR and 1313. I was leaning towards not saying anything and that seems to be the concensus here on the board. Sorry to hear you have made so many mistakes 1313. We all have. If we hadn't, I doubt we would be here, particularly on a Saturday night. Lol.

I have up and down days TimR. Had a good Friday night. Went out for some beers and trivia with friends and came in 2nd place. We're going to the tournament of Champions for trivia tomorrow.

I went to take a look at Montessori school for D3 today. It was really cool but a bit pricey so WW and I will be looking at a few other alternatives. WW invited me to lunch afterwards to talk about it. Conversation was all right initially but then WW asked me about taking D3 with her to her mother's house over spring break. She asked me if I wanted her to meet me in my parent's city on my weekend that week, which was code for I want to see the om who lives about 2 hours away from her mother's house rather than the 9 or 10 hours from our house. Don't really know if I messed up or not but I told her that D3 was not to see the om and that's where things nose dived. She became defensive. I responded that she has done that previously and I didn't want it to happen again to which she responded that I forced her to take our D3. I almost lost it but I took a deep breath and told her that I never have forced her to do anything. She started spewing so I just STFU. She thinks I was angry so she banned me from going to the circus with D3 and her for a 2nd time (I got reinstated after 1st ban). I continued with the STFU and thought WW began to mellow otw home because she was asking me how I used to treat ear infections that I got. But she wasn't done. Shortly after getting home (we still live together) she texted me to say that it was sad that I can't get along with her enough to be there for our kid. She really wanted me to go with them to the circus for D3 but she would not subject her to my anger. Lol. She was the one who was angry, not me. In the past I would have responded but I ignored her text. Later she texted me to complain that I didn't thank her for lunch but she was willing to let that slide and wanted to know if I wanted to have pizza with them for dinner. I took the opportunity to validate. Told her that she was right, I should have thanked her for lunch and then thanked her. Followed up by saying no thanks for dinner. She was still angry with me when she left but had calmed down by time she returned with pizza and offered me a slice. I declined. A little later, our friend called to see if I was going with them to the trivia tournament of Champions tomorrow. Said I didn't know and asked my WW the status of going to circus tomorrow. She was still ambivalent so I told friend that I was going to trivia.

WW started complaining that I don't communicate with her after I got off the phone. I told her that I didn't need to communicate with her because it wasn't related to our D3, particularly since I was ready to bail on trivia to spend time with D3 at circus. Was I wrong to not communicate in this instance? I don't think so but I would like opinions. A bit later I heard my WW'S stomach make a sound and asked her about it. She said excuse me, sorry for the noise. I asked her if she was ok so she proceeded to tell me that she didn't have to tell me because it wasn't related to D3. Oh well. I told her good night. I hope you feel better and left it at that.

This bit of ignoring her and responding in positive friendly manner feels really good and powerful to me. I feel good about myself and don't kick myself for saying stupid things out of anger to her like I did previously. Good stuff.

Looking forward to trivia tournament of Champions tomorrow. Woo! Hoo!

[G8r]

WW puzzles me. She wants divorce are tries to bait me into arguments but then she texts me and asks if I want sushi since she is with D3 getting dinner. She has been a bundle of mixed messages since this all began. I'm not reading into it but mmm... mmm.... sushi is good.

[G8r]

Really sad today. WW'S L mailed D paperwork. WW didn't want to have sheriff serve them if it wasn't needed. Guess I'll need to retain q of the 3 L that I interviewed. Grrrrr.... I was really hoping she would dump the chump and return to the M. I realize it's not necessarily over but it sure feels that way. Overcast day sure doesn't help.

[TimR]

So sorry to hear about that G8r. That has got to be hard and I can't say I am not expected something of the sort in the near future. Heck her mom will probably pay for her lawyer.

However, you are right, that does not mean that it is over. I struggle with this myself, questions of when do I know its over, when is it actually healthy for me to admit to myself there is nothing more I can do. I guess the answer for both of us is to work on us and eventually we will know.

[rich4j]

I was really hoping she would dump the chump and return to the M. I realize it's not necessarily over but it sure feels that way. Overcast day sure doesn't help.

Sorry for your day and the realization and punch in the gut is real. I felt it a few weeks ago. It feels like the reality check you really didn't want to feel.....which is hurtful

As some have posted, it doesn't mean it is over as its just paper and legalese but it is hurtful

She may still dump the chump on day and want to return but all you can focus on now is anything but that and head forward. Easier said than done my friend but you can do it.